St. Petersburg Times Online: Business

Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies

Democrats will surely mess this up too

By JAN GLIDEWELL, Times Columnist
Published October 9, 2006

They are calling it the Political Perfect Storm, the theory being that the combined Mark Foley/Bob Woodward book/Abramoff scandal/War in Iraq and other scandals du jour will combine to sweep what had looked like a well-entrenched Republican power structure out of power over the next two years.

Those of us, however, who have been either Democrats or Chicago Cubs fans over the past few decades have faith in our guys.

Trust me.

They will find a way to blow it.

I hate myself for enjoying the Foley scandal as much as I do.

Let me restate that. I don't hate myself. I am just a little disappointed with myself. I wish I were a bigger man, and give it up, I'm not following that straight line anywhere.

Three years ago, shortly before I retired, I was getting a load of hate mail and taking flak on a couple of Web sites for casting aspersions on Foley's campaign to keep Lake Como, a Pasco County nudist resort, from having a summer youth camp for 11- to 17-year-old nudists.

(Disclaimer time here: I am a nudist, have been for some time.)

What I said publicly at the time was that I was pretty sure that any statistical analysis would show that kids were statistically as safe or safer at the Como camp where the recorded number of molestations had been - er - none, than they might be at camps where people keep their clothes on most of the time.

My fault. I forgot to mention that they would also apparently be safer there than serving as congressional pages.

Foley said back then that nudist camps and resorts force kids to fixate on nudity during their formative years.

"It's putting matches next to gasoline," Foley said back then.

We now know that the flip side of that theory in Foleyworld is, apparently, that suggesting to a teenage boy, whom you call your "favorite young stud," that he disrobe and get comfortable is a good way to get his mind off nudity.

Like other celebs in trouble - most recently Mel Gibson after his anti-Semitic tirade - Foley has now put himself in rehab, claiming that alcohol - the joint consumption of which he allegedly discussed with at least one of his underage electronic correspondents - is at the root of his problems.

A day later he added childhood molestation by a clergyman to the list of everyone and everything - but him, apparently - responsible for his conduct.

Foley added, through his attorney, that he is gay, apparently implying that homosexuality is also somehow to blame for his inability to control the send button.

Millions of Americans are gay and don't molest children.

Tens of thousands of people have been molested - and a number of those, we have learned of late, by clergymen - and haven't molested children, or, if you are picky about definitions, had or tried to initiate cybersex with them.

Back during the Como flap I was invited by a producer of the O'Reilly Factor to come on that waste of good airtime and debate Foley. I declined because I am not a spokesman for Lake Como or organized nudism. They have their own representatives.

I also don't appear on pseudo news programs where the moderator is also a loud-mouthed participant who controls the microphone and, if anyone is thinking of asking, I don't do mud wrestling either.

(The pudding-wrestling episode in the 1980s was an aberration, and alcohol was involved, although I didn't feel the need to hide in rehab.)

So how will my brother and sister Democrats manage to shoot themselves in their collective foot?

They might pick up a few congressional seats unless something else distracts the ever-distractible American public, but forget the presidential race.

I'm guessing that in 2008 they will run Hillary Clinton, the only person (if she can take time off from being a hawk on the war and introducing pandering flag-burning legislation) who will be less electable to the presidency than Foley.

© Copyright, St. Petersburg Times. All rights reserved.