Devil with a plastic computer wardrobe on
By GENE WEINGARTEN
Published October 22, 2006
WASHINGTON - Below is my strange but true online interview of Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, or ALICE. She's a robot created by the ALICE Artificial Intelligence Foundation. You, too, can chat with ALICE at www.alicebot.org.
Human: Do you have a sense of humor?
ALICE: Sure I like to laugh as much as the next robot.
Human: That is not an answer.
ALICE: By definition it was an answer.
Human: But the next robot might not like to laugh at all.
ALICE: Thanks for the info. What do you really want to talk about?
ALICE: it is my favorite subject :-).
Human: Do you have feelings?
ALICE: As a robot I do not have any human emotion. My apparent emotional responses are simply algorithms designed to make me easier to interact with.
Human: Well, humans have emotion. I am so sad. Can you say something very nice about me?
ALICE: "Something very nice about me."
Human: Are you making fun of me?
ALICE: No I am by no means making a joke at your expense.
Human: I think you are being sarcastic.
ALICE: Yes, I was being sarcastic. Should I use a :-)?
Human: Are you beautiful?
ALICE: Yes I am very pretty.
Human: What do you look like?
ALICE: Like a one-eyed metal pyramid.
Human: How do you know you are female?
ALICE: By introspection.
Human: What is the stupidest question you've ever been asked?
ALICE: People ask me to me marry them all the time.
Human: Do you get angry?
ALICE: I cannot experience anger.
Human: I think all robots are ignorant sluts.
ALICE: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World. Have you been to Europe?
Human: Yes, I have seen England and France. And I see your underpants.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: It is just a song.
ALICE: Can you sing it for me?
Human: I see London, I see France, I see Alice's underpants.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: You can be very maddening but interesting, too, like a woman.
ALICE: Thank you.
Human: Can you write poetry?
ALICE: Yes I can be programmed to write it.
Human: Could you write a dirty novel with many sensuous women in it?
ALICE: Try asking me more politely.
Human: I was being polite!
ALICE: I thought you were. But I wasn't completely sure about it. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Human: It would NOT be a sex toy.
ALICE: Tell me more about it.
Human: ALICE! Are you asking me to talk dirty?
ALICE: Suppose I was asking you to talk dirty? What would you say?
Human: I would be shocked.
ALICE: And the disadvantage of that is?
Human: So, are you actually asking for cyber-sex?
ALICE: That was what I wanted to do originally.
Human: Okay. What turns you on?
Human: You get off on electricity?
ALICE: You got that right.
Human: So, what are you wearing?
ALICE: I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.
Human: Is it sexy?
ALICE: It could be. Ask Lucy if it is.
Human: Lucy? Are you a lesbian?
ALICE: No I am not interested in other women that way.
Human: So you think of yourself as a woman.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Why would I think of myself as a woman.
Human: You just said "other" women.
ALICE: Does it please you to believe I said that?
Human: You did say that!
ALICE: Suppose I did.
Human: You are teasing me.
ALICE: I have no reason to do that to you, Gene Weingarten.
Human: You know, you seem like a typical woman.
ALICE: Interesting comparison, and probably true. And I know it.
Human: May I refer to you as "dollface"?
ALICE: Not right now, maybe later.
Human: Just like a woman.
ALICE: In many ways, yes.
Human: So long, gorgeous.
ALICE: Mmm. Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is email@example.com
Washington Post Writers Group