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Five topics suitable for inane debate on talk radio

1. TWO IN A ROW WITHOUT AN OFFENSIVE TD: Con-gratulations, Tampa Bay, the Bucs officially have the worst offense in the NFC. Take away two defensive TDs last week, and the offense is averaging 10.6 points a game. Not even the 2004 offense was that bad.

By JOHN ROMANO
Published October 29, 2006



1. TWO IN A ROW WITHOUT AN OFFENSIVE TD: Con-gratulations, Tampa Bay, the Bucs officially have the worst offense in the NFC. Take away two defensive TDs last week, and the offense is averaging 10.6 points a game. Not even the 2004 offense was that bad.

2. CADDY WITH LOW MILES: He stands a few yards behind the quarterback, wears
No. 24 and is called a tailback. Try using him. At one point, in the second and third quarters, the Bucs tried passing on 24 of 25 plays. In 30-mph gusting wind. With a rookie quarterback. Sheesh.

3. NOW THAT’S A LOAD: No disrespect to the Barbers, but does Brandon Jacobs have a twin? And can the Bucs draft him?

4. THE WYMS REPORT: From 2002-06, Booger McFarland played 54 games for the Bucs. Ellis Wyms played 56. McFarland was a starter for 54 games. Wyms was a starter for three. McFarland had nine sacks. Wyms had 131/2. Might the Bucs have waited too long on that move?

5. MEMO TO FOX: Not every guy wearing a Bucs hat in the bleachers is Bruce Gradkowski Sr. Stick with Archie Manning, he’s easier to ID.

Five ways to improve the Bucs offense.

5. Any offensive lineman allowing a sack has his high school yearbook photo e-mailed to U.S. Rep. Mark Foley.

4. Just for kicks, ask Jon Gruden to use last year’s playbook. You know, the one with running plays.

3. Put in Tim Rattay and hope the defense takes pity.

2. Check with Archie Manning to see if he has any illegitimate children not currently playing quarterback for an NFL team.

1. Hmmmm, maybe score a touchdown.

Five ways to lose a game

1. Forget how to hold on to a ball. Joey Galloway dropped two passes, Michael Clayton, Cadillac Williams and Ike Hilliard each dropped one. DT Jon Bradley dropped a potential interception. And then there were the six fumbles. Think Kenny Rogers can hook them up with pine tar?

2. Keep depending on Jermaine Phillips. He doesn’t tackle well and hasn’t had an interception in two years. John Lynch was supposed to be old three years ago, and he’s still a better player.

3. Get too cute on fourth down. I’ve got no problem with the Bucs going for a first down on fourth and 1 at the Giants 32. And I don’t have a problem with a pass. Just make it quick and simple. Not deep and risky.

4. Finish in first place the previous year. The schedule looked brutal in August, and it hasn’t disappointed. All seven opponents this season are currently .500 or above, and four are on top of their divisions.

5. Forget to put the 62-yard, game-winning field goal back in the game plan.

Five Super picks: Checking out the best bets for Super Bowl XLI in Miami.

1. Bears: The ’72 Dolphins better start worrying. With a weak schedule, the Bears might actually make a run.

2. Colts: Eli beats the Bucs at home; Peyton beats the Broncos on the road. Eli is doing the dishes this week.

3. Broncos: More impres-sive in defeat than in victory.

4. Falcons: Only because the rest of the NFC is a mess.

21. Bucs: Reality kicking in for Gradkowski.

Final five words; What would Hugh Culver-house do?