Bucs/NFL

Gimme Five

By JOHN ROMANO, jromano@tampabay.com
Published November 24, 2006

Five topics suitable for inane debate on talk radio.

1. IT'S WINTER, AND THE HEAT'S ABOUT TO BE TURNED UP: Now that the season has become an utter disgrace, the only question remaining is how bad does it get? Overhaul the defense bad? No. 1 pick bad? Fire the coach and GM bad? I'm guessing yes, no and maybe. Feel free to line up the answers and questions in whichever order you choose.

2. A DEEP CONCERN: He is tough. He is excitable. He seems to learn quickly, and he is imminently likable. But unless Bruce Gradkowski suddenly figures out how to hit open receivers downfield, the Bucs need to go quarterback shopping in the offseason.

3. WE'LL KEEP YOUR RESUME ON FILE: Jon Gruden was angry last week that his name was linked with the Cowboys job. No need to worry about that rumor anymore.

4. HMMM, MAYBE TEMPLE TERRACE CAN HAVE A MATT BRYANT DAY, TOO: Bryant hit his eighth consecutive field goal Thursday. With an 81.6 percent success rate the past two seasons, Bryant moves past Steve Christie (80.8 percent) as the most accurate kicker in Tampa Bay history.

5. NOTE TO THE NFL: Really dug the Carrie Underwood halftime show with the bare-chested guys swinging from the rafters, but maybe the league should televise something more appropriate. Like the Chiefs-Broncos game.

A list of five

Five goals for the Bucs in December.

5. Spread rumor that it's Hugh Culverhouse's fault.

4. Earn bid to Chick-fil-A Bowl.

3. Everyone on the IR by Christmas!

2. Instead of offering souvenirs at Raymond James, let fans go deep on Torrie Cox in between the third and fourth quarters.

1. Continue lowering expectations so a 38-10 loss sounds pretty good.

Five reasons you should've tuned out

1. It hurts to see Derrick Brooks suffer through this chaos. The most loyal of all Bucs - he slashed his salary in half this season rather than forcing the team to cut him as a way to shop for a big free-agent deal - Brooks deserves better in his final seasons.

2. Tony Romo completed 22 passes, and averaged 13.9 yards per completion. The Bucs had one completion that was longer than 13 yards.

3. You could have watched Every Which Way But Loose on Cinemax.

4. It was the fifth time this season the Bucs have lost by 14 or more. No other team has had as many lopsided defeats.

5. There is a better chance you might believe the excuses if you don't actually watch the game for yourself.

Five humiliations

1. DEC. 12, 1976: Bucs become the first 0-14 team in NFL history when they lose 24-14 to New England. Making matters worse, the Pats call timeout with six seconds remaining so QB Steve Grogan can set an NFL record for rushing TDs.

2. JAN. 2, 1982: Doug Williams is sacked four times and throws four interceptions in a 38-0 loss to Dallas in the playoffs. It is the most lopsided postseason game in 13 years.

3. SEPT. 28, 1998: In their first appearance on Monday Night Football in 15 years, the Bucs fail to score a touchdown and lose 27-6 to Detroit.

4. OCT. 6, 2003: Leading the Colts 35-14 with less than four minutes left, the Bucs suffer the biggest collapse in NFL history on Monday Night Football, losing 38-35 in overtime.

5. NOV. 23, 2006: The turkeys had a better day against Butterball.

Final five words

No excuse for this mess.

[Last modified November 24, 2006, 05:24:39]