Print

Email story

Comment

Email editor

Happy Holidays 2006

Fa la la la la, ha ha ha ha

Here is the winning caption in the "Buy Till You Die Holiday Caption Contest."

By JOHN BARRY
Published December 17, 2006

[Times illustration: Don Morris]

 You may want to pour yourself a stiff eggnog. We have the official results of our “Buy Till You Die Holiday Caption Contest.”

Three recurring themes showed up among the thousands (well, dozens) of entries from readers imagining just the pithy, perfect line for our cartoon by Times artist Don Morris.

1. It doesn’t matter how you wrap the guy because he’s just going to be returned or re-gifted.
2. The guy thinks he’s God’s gift to women.
3. The wrapping ladies want to take him home for themselves.

We sat down with a bowl of Christmas cookies and put on our favorite holiday song, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, and picked our favorites. (Some folks didn’t say where they live, probably for obvious reasons.)

We’re not sure, because our minds don’t think that way, but some entries may be more naughty than nice. Here is the winner and the rest of our favorites.

The winner
“No, Norma! I said, 'Deck the halls with boughs of holly,’ not 'Wrap the balls of my friend Wally.’ ”
Judy Cherry, St. Pete Beach
Cherry, 66 and a grandmother, wins a copy of Carl Hiaasen’s new novel, Nature Girl, because they have similar senses of humor.

Best of the rest
“I never heard of a Tickle Me Ralph.”
Joe Donnelly, Oldsmar

“He says he wants to be gift wrapped and sent to the blond in lingerie.”
C. Grund, St. Petersburg

“Paper or plastic?”
Paul (Danny) Bigham, Largo High School

“Bag him and tag him.”
Joane Kilgallon, Parrish

“Please pass the duct tape.”
John Thurmond, Ozona

“I hope it wasn’t buy one get one free.”
Linda Gignac, Largo

“I’m thinking the foil wrap in the Rudolph pattern would be lovely with his nose.”
Theresa Jones, St. Petersburg

“And where do you suggest I put the bow?”
John Shevlin

“What is your satisfaction guarantee policy?”
Lu Miller

“People will buy anything on sale these days.”
Lilly Cuevas, Tarpon Springs

“I’d like to get one of these myself!”
Troy Robinson, Largo

“Why bother? He’s just going to be returned the day after Christmas!”
Julie Dvoracsek

“You think this is bad? Wait till the 26th when we work exchange.”
Jack Miller, Brick, N.J.

“Pat, just be grateful that he isn’t ending up under your Christmas tree.”
Agnes Touris

“Honey, at my age I wish he’d just skip the gift wrapping and give me my darn present!”
Carol Kornell, Palm Harbor

“It was an ad typo that said we were having a Clarence Sale!”
Lauren Reeves

“If his foot taps my mistletoe one more time, take those scissors and cut off that bow tie!”
Tina Parks, St. Petersburg

“Before we wrap, he signs a damage waiver in case his glasses break!”
Donna Hubis

“I found him on sale in Home Appliances — 90 percent off.”
Bill Hodges, Tarpon Springs

“Oh, no, dear, this section is for wrapping, not exchanges.”
Mortimer Brown, Lutz

“From the waist up it’s 'Complimentary.’ The rest he’ll have to PAY for!”
Barbara Liebling

“I don’t know, Marge. Where do we put the bow?”
Penny S. Scales, Palm Harbor

“Odd shapes are always hard to wrap.”
Saundra “Pye” St. Pierre, Seminole

“He says he knows what she wants. He just doesn’t know how to wrap it.”
T. Bruce MacNeish, St. Petersburg

“So Martha  . . .  should we call his wife to see if she wants the free shipping to Siberia?”
Joan Lafayette, Largo

“Security caught him outside Victoria’s Secret claiming to be the ultimate PlayStation.”
Howard Zang, St. Petersburg

“This must be that new Middle-Aged Ken blow-up doll.”
Mary Ellen Akers, Clearwater
 

[Last modified December 19, 2006, 13:20:34]