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What I want for Christmas is Mike Alstott.

By GARY SHELTON
Published December 24, 2006

What I want for Christmas is affordable. Goodness knows, it's available. It's a popular item, but really, it isn't hard to find. You can pick one up used if you want. It may be a little dented, and the warranty wore off a long time ago, but no one questions its dependability. What I want for Christmas is Mike Alstott.

Now, if someone could just find enough gift wrap and convince Mike to get into the box, we're in business.

Perhaps that strikes you as a lot to ask considering the Bucs have given so little all yearlong. Perhaps it strikes you as a little familiar. Tampa Bay fans have asked for Alstott so many times over the years, they sound like the kid who asks for a pony every Christmas.

Still, as long as we find ourselves perched on Santa's knee, we might as well ask for what we really want. Right?

And the first thing I want is Mikey.

Consider this the final plea for the final act. It is almost certain that Alstott has put in his two weeks' notice with the Bucs. So why not let him go out the right way?

One last time, let's feed the ball to the big lug and listen to the pads pop. One last time, let Mikey trample a safety.

One last time, let's ask in unison: Why Not Alstott?

Look around. Have you seen an overabundance of passion on this offense? Have you seen too much effort that the Bucs can spare Alstott's? Have you seen too much drive? Especially with Cadillac Williams doubtful for today's game against Cleveland, why not give it to Alstott?

Okay, okay. There are fans in Tampa Bay who believe that Alstott should touch the ball on every play, and on some of them, he should touch it twice, most of those from the shotgun formation. There are fans who always have been ready to light the torches and storm the coach's office on his behalf.

No, Alstott shouldn't get that many carries. Cadillac is still the best back on the roster.

For the last time, though, Alstott should touch it a few more times than he does. He shouldn't ramble for 17 against Atlanta and 14 against Chicago and then disappear.

As long as we find ourselves perched on Santa's knee, there are a few other items I'd like to request.

What I want for Christmas is a quarterback. More specifically, I want a great quarterback.

I know, I know. The Bucs are playing with their new toy today in Tim Rattay. That's after they spent all season with a brand new quarterback in Bruce Gradkowski and after a relatively new quarterback in Chris Simms. When it comes to quarterbacks, the Bucs never seem happy. The rest of us, either.

Still, it has been a long time since the Bucs had one of those sparkily, top-of-the-line model quarterbacks. Give me a cannon. Give me a playmaker. Give me a star.

Give me Brady Quinn, some of you might add. It's intriguing, but you get the feeling that Jon Gruden is weary of spending so much time around young quarterbacks. I think they'll look around and see if Jake Plummer or Jake Delhomme, who knows, Jake LaMotta shakes free. Maybe Daunte Culpepper. Maybe Jeff Garcia.

In other words, they will end up with the Best Available Roadkill. And, no, he won't be as good as Doug Williams was, either.

The Bucs did manage to agree to terms with Simms on Saturday, and Simms showed flashes of star quality last year. Still, the search should not stop with Simms' signature.

Once the shopping is done for a passer, what I want for Christmas is a left tackle.

Assuming the Bucs ever find a quarterback, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to keep him from getting broken? Wouldn't it be nice to have a dependable, dominating tackle?

And by the way, isn't Paul Gruber rested yet?

Anthony Davis, the Bucs' current left tackle, is a scrapper, and there is room for him on the roster (perhaps as a guard). But speed rushers always have bothered Davis. Often, they've bothered the quarterback, too.

If not a tackle, however, what I want for Christmas is a safety.

Perhaps you noticed last week when John Lynch made his third straight Pro Bowl appearance for the Denver Broncos. Not bad for a player the Bucs thought was too much of a medical risk.

The Bucs need a safety who will show up in the highlights, not the headlights. Wait. That's not right. The Bucs' safeties are going to be in a lot of highlights this year. They'll be in the Falcons' highlight film and the Bears' and the Eagles' and ...

Here's a question: How does an NFL defense get to Week 16 without either starting safety having an interception?

What I want for Christmas is a pass-rushing defensive end.

You know, just like the guy Simeon Rice used to be.

One of the first discussions the Bucs need to have this offseason is how much of Rice's performance this year was because of his bad shoulder. Some of it, I suspect. Not all of it.

When the Bucs were a great defense, however, they were a nightmare for opposing quarterbacks. And no one made more splash plays than Rice.

This year? Ellis Wyms and Dewayne White, neither starters when the season began, share the Bucs' lead with five sacks. That ties them for 52nd in the NFL.

What I want for Christmas is the future back.

It was only a few months ago, remember, when things looked so good. The team was going to build around Simms and Cadillac and Michael Clayton. It had a spunky young offensive line that had held its own last year.

Somewhere along the way, it all went missing. In some ways, that's as disappointing as the team's record. What kind of career is Clayton going to have? Simms? Even Cadillac no longer seems like a sure thing.

Most of all, what I want for Christmas is a plan.

Let's agree on this: Next year is going to be better. Given the money to spend, given the draft picks to make, given an easier schedule and, most of all, given the complete quagmire of this season, next year is bound to be a little better at least.

On the other hand, the plan for the Bucs should be to make sure another run - similar to the late '90s - is about to blossom. Next year shouldn't be about flashing for a year in order to save jobs. It should be the start of something special.

The main shortcoming of the current Bucs team is the apparent lack of a blueprint. They don't seem to know what they want to be. Young players don't necessarily improve.

Given the money, given the draft picks, this offseason should be a grand opportunity to get out of the mud. The worst thing of all would be to not take advantage.

What I want for next Christmas is for it to be different than this one.

[Last modified December 23, 2006, 22:55:52]