Sing along with the Bucs

This week's electronic conversation between Sports columnists John Romano and Gary Shelton offers alternative lyrics to classic holiday songs.

By GARY SHELTON and JOHN ROMANO
Published December 24, 2006

(TO THE TUNE OF IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS)

JR: It's beginning to look a lot like Wyche time

E'vry game they lose

Take a look at third and ten, bungling once again

With so many penalties to choose.

GS: They're beginning to lose a lot like Leeman

E'vry play they bore

The sky is raining flags, the fans are wearing bags

And no one remembers how to score.

(TO THE TUNE OF GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER)

GS: Jermaine Phillips got run over by a tailback

Flopping right there near Chicago's goal.

JR: You can say he is an NFL strong safety

But as for me and John Lynch, we're not sold.

(TO THE TUNE OF LET IT SNOW)

GS: Oh, the quarterback's throws are frightening

And the tailback runs like lightning

And although a hurricane blows ...

Let us throw, let us throw, let us throw.

JR: The receivers have all started dropping

And the blitzes are never stopping

But as long as Jon says it's so

Let us throw, let us throw, let us throw.

(TO THE TUNE OF DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR)

JR: Said the GM to the little guru

Do you see what I see?

GS: There in the pocket, little guru

Do you see what I see?

JR: A star, a star, named Bruce Gradkowski

GS: With an arm as big as Bartkowski

BOTH: And a heart as big as Jaworski.

(TO THE TUNE OF SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN)

GS: You better not score, you better not win

You'll blow your chance to draft Brady Quinn

A quarterback is comin' to town.

JR: He's about to make millions, about to get rich

About to make Bruce his personal ... assistant (Hey, it's Christmas)

A quarterback is comin' to town.

(TO THE TUNE OF GOD REST YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN)

JR: God rest you weary Glazers, let nothing you dismay

Remember Jon our savior, won on Super Bowl day

To save us all from Dungy's plan

And that bonehead Rich McKay

O' tidings of 3 and 11

3 and 11

O' tidings of 3 and 11.

GS: In Pittsburgh in December, the coach lost his mind

He kicked a late field goal tho' 20 points behind

He left with doubts, but no shut out,

The newspapers were unkind

O' tidings of 3 and 11

3 and 11

O' tidings of 3 and 11.

(TO THE TUNE OF HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS)

GS: Here comes Cadillac, Here comes Cadillac

Must be first and 10

He's knocked on his buns, a gain of 1

They won't run him again.

JR: Fans are screaming, I wish I was dreaming

All is dreary and blight

Hang your heads and say your prayers

'Cause Cadillac is done tonight.

(TO THE TUNE OF TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS)

JR: On the 12th day of Jiminy Christmas, Jon Gruden gave to me ... twelve losses a pendin'

GS: Eleven offenders offending

JR: Ten lame excuses

GS: Nine Phillips floppings

JR: Eight nuns a cursin'

GS: Seven rampant rumors

JR: Six division losses

GS: Fiiiiive balsa blockers!

JR: Four silent Glazers

GS: Three losing seasons

JR: Two yards a carry

GS: And a quarterback with a busted spleen.

GS: Cool. So next week we're on for Allen Lang Syne?

JR: And God bless us, everyone.

[Last modified December 23, 2006, 22:59:00]