Sing along with the Bucs
This week's electronic conversation between Sports columnists John Romano and Gary Shelton offers alternative lyrics to classic holiday songs.
By GARY SHELTON and JOHN ROMANO
Published December 24, 2006
(TO THE TUNE OF IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS)
JR: It's beginning to look a lot like Wyche time
E'vry game they lose
Take a look at third and ten, bungling once again
With so many penalties to choose.
GS: They're beginning to lose a lot like Leeman
E'vry play they bore
The sky is raining flags, the fans are wearing bags
And no one remembers how to score.
(TO THE TUNE OF GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER)
GS: Jermaine Phillips got run over by a tailback
Flopping right there near Chicago's goal.
JR: You can say he is an NFL strong safety
But as for me and John Lynch, we're not sold.
(TO THE TUNE OF LET IT SNOW)
GS: Oh, the quarterback's throws are frightening
And the tailback runs like lightning
And although a hurricane blows ...
Let us throw, let us throw, let us throw.
JR: The receivers have all started dropping
And the blitzes are never stopping
But as long as Jon says it's so
Let us throw, let us throw, let us throw.
(TO THE TUNE OF DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR)
JR: Said the GM to the little guru
Do you see what I see?
GS: There in the pocket, little guru
Do you see what I see?
JR: A star, a star, named Bruce Gradkowski
GS: With an arm as big as Bartkowski
BOTH: And a heart as big as Jaworski.
(TO THE TUNE OF SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN)
GS: You better not score, you better not win
You'll blow your chance to draft Brady Quinn
A quarterback is comin' to town.
JR: He's about to make millions, about to get rich
About to make Bruce his personal ... assistant (Hey, it's Christmas)
A quarterback is comin' to town.
(TO THE TUNE OF GOD REST YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN)
JR: God rest you weary Glazers, let nothing you dismay
Remember Jon our savior, won on Super Bowl day
To save us all from Dungy's plan
And that bonehead Rich McKay
O' tidings of 3 and 11
3 and 11
O' tidings of 3 and 11.
GS: In Pittsburgh in December, the coach lost his mind
He kicked a late field goal tho' 20 points behind
He left with doubts, but no shut out,
The newspapers were unkind
O' tidings of 3 and 11
3 and 11
O' tidings of 3 and 11.
(TO THE TUNE OF HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS)
GS: Here comes Cadillac, Here comes Cadillac
Must be first and 10
He's knocked on his buns, a gain of 1
They won't run him again.
JR: Fans are screaming, I wish I was dreaming
All is dreary and blight
Hang your heads and say your prayers
'Cause Cadillac is done tonight.
(TO THE TUNE OF TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS)
JR: On the 12th day of Jiminy Christmas, Jon Gruden gave to me ... twelve losses a pendin'
GS: Eleven offenders offending
JR: Ten lame excuses
GS: Nine Phillips floppings
JR: Eight nuns a cursin'
GS: Seven rampant rumors
JR: Six division losses
GS: Fiiiiive balsa blockers!
JR: Four silent Glazers
GS: Three losing seasons
JR: Two yards a carry
GS: And a quarterback with a busted spleen.
GS: Cool. So next week we're on for Allen Lang Syne?
JR: And God bless us, everyone.