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Holiday warms heart, just beware explosions

By GREG HAMILTON
Published December 25, 2006

"My, my, but just look at those tykes go. This is my favorite part of Christmas, seeing the joy in the children as they play with their presents."

"Me, too, Mary. Why, it makes me feel young all over again just ... Hold on, was that an explosion?"

"It came from the Dawsy house. Looks like little Jeffrey got another new whiz-bang gizmo to play with. I'm telling you, they're going to spoil that boy."

"Well, I declare. It's a Stinger missile. That Jeffrey, he always gets the best toys. Last year it was a super-duper helicopter; the year before it was a tank. And don't forget his Taser guns."

"How could I ever forget those nasty things? Mr. Nibbles lost six of his nine lives when Jeffrey and his buddies used him for target practice."

"Can you see what's going on over at Sam Himmel's house? It looks like she's handing out plastic cups to her little friends. Maybe she's holding a tea party."

"I can't tell from here. Say, Patty? Patty Deutschman. What's in those cups that Sam Himmel is holding? It's not tea? She wants you to do what in those cups? Then she's going to use her new Mr. Science chemistry set to test it and see what you kids have been up to. Oh, wait, she's only inviting the athletes to her party. I guess that's okay."

"My stars, there goes another explosion. What in the world was that?"

"It's that Jeffrey Dawsy again. Looks like someone tripped a Claymore mine on his front lawn. He really should put up a sign or something."

"I see that young Phillips girl, Vicki, over there giving him a piece of her mind. She's got quite a temper for such a proper little Southern lady."

"Is there some sort of echo in the neighborhood today? It seems like I'm hearing everything Vicki says over and over again."

"No, that's just her shadow, Joyce Valentino, repeating everything her big sister says. Kind of eerie, eh?"

"Not as scary as what I see in the picture window of the Dawsy house. Isn't that Dawsy's pal Richard Wesch mooning the ladies?"

"Jimminy Cricket! I'm going to need a lot more eggnog to get that image out of my mind."

"At least those two nice young boys, Dennis Damato and John Thrumston, seem to know how to get along."

"That's for sure. Isn't Dennis cute, reciting every instruction sheet in his pile of games. It's almost as if someone has given him a script for how to play."

"And that Johnny Thrumston, notice how careful he is? He needs a long-range plan for everything, even riding his new bike."

"Speaking of bikes, why is Frank DiGiovanni pedaling so fast down the street? It looks like he's crying."

"That's because that mean Winston Perry just took a key and scratched up Frankie D's new bicycle. What a grinch that kid is."

"Yep, he just can't play nice with anyone. One of these days, he might just grow up. Some people just take a bit longer to mature."

"Holy cow, what in the world is that big black thing rolling down the street? It looks like some kind of UFO."

"It's a stealth bomber. And, yep, that's Jeffrey Dawsy behind the wheel. Looks like he's going to try to use the street as a runway. Hold on!"

"I'm telling you, that boy's going to be the death of me yet!"

"Aw, c'mon, Mary. It's Christmas. Where's your holiday spirit?"

"You might ask where my dentures are. I think I spit 'em into the hedges when Jeffrey pushed that thing to Mach 3."

And so it goes on a joyful Christmas morning as the proud parents and neighbors watch the little darlings enjoy their new toys, leaving aside for this one day at least just who will be paying for it all once the bills come in.

[Last modified December 24, 2006, 20:19:04]