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Meet your new Idol

We don’t know the next Idol’s name, but we can describe her (yes, her). Here’s a guide to identifying American Idol 2007.

By SHARON FINK and SEAN DALY
Published January 16, 2007

ADVERTISEMENT [Times illustration: Joshua Engleman] Season six of American Idol premieres at 8 p.m. Tuesday on Fox.

Season 6 of American Idol doesn’t start until tonight — and doesn’t end until May 23 — but we already know who’s going to win.

That’s right: The formula for Idol victory is as obvious as the unibrow on Taylor Hicks’ face. The No. 1 TV show in the country succeeds by mixing 10 basic ingredients and subtly tweaking each for a new season.

Our expert analysis of them allows us to pick your American Idol for 2007 right now:

The race is on: American Idol has not exactly been the melting pot that America is.   But the show’s producers are acutely aware of race and the power they have over Idol’s diversity recruitment and retention. Remember how Tiger Woods called himself Caublanasian (caucasian-black-Asian)? The Tiger Woods of singing is about to take over America.

Get a piece of the rock: The sales of Chris Daughtry’s debut album reaffirm Idol’s desire to send a rock star to the winner’s circle. Daughtry, who made the top four last season, debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard chart in December, selling 304,000 copies. A few weeks later, Season 5 winner Hicks debuted at No. 2, too, but he sold about 6,000 less. And Daughtry is still selling significantly better, in CDs and downloads.

The gay tightrope: Season 5’s Mandisa was ostracized for her perceived anti-homosexual stance. But at the same time, Season 2 runner-up Clay Aiken lost major post-show PR points because of a rumored gay relationship with a former Green Beret. The successful Idol flirts with everyone.

The south will rise again ... And again ... And again: With the exception of a Pennsylvania boy and a California girl, all the winners and runners-up have been from the South. Of those eight Southerners, three — Ruben Studdard, Bo Bice and Hicks — were from Alabama.

The girl’s gotta have it: There’s no doubt who the show’s most successful stars have been: Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, who have combined for a whopping 20-million albums sold worldwide and won some big awards. Fantasia’s the only winner who’s not only had a TV movie made about her, she got to star in it. And Jennifer Hudson could get an Oscar.

The “High School Musical” factor: As the mighty Disney Channel has shown, tweens rule the marketplace these days, and they relate to slightly older, much cuter versions of themselves.

Simon says: Surly judge Simon Cowell despised Hicks. He loved Underwood. But it’s not important whether Simon loves you or hates you. It’s important that he feels deeply.  If he doesn’t have an opinion about you, neither does America.

Clean up real good: Viewers love to see a contestant transform from an ugly duckling to a showbiz-savvy swan. Aiken started collecting Claymates when he arrived in Hollywood with dyed hair and contacts instead of his geeky glasses. Hicks went from a slob to a stud merely by getting his eyebrows plucked and his hair styled.

Accessorize! Daughtry had the wallet chain. Ace Young had the “Ace” belt buckles. Jasmine Trias had the flower in her hair. A key accessory is a marketing tool AND reminds viewers who you are when they’re faced with too many contestants to keep straight.

Life is like a country song:  Contestants need a good backstory. Pop’s in jail? Good. Have a kid and can’t read? Even better. Lost your sense of smell when the turkey deep fryer exploded on Thanksgiving while your kid was reading the directions to you because you’re illiterate but had to fry the turkey because jail kept Dad from the festivities? Oh, that’s a guaranteed winner.

And the winner is ... A flirtatious multiracial Lolita from Awshucks, Kentucky, who loves rock ’n’ roll, always wears a leather bracelet imprinted with “Save Africa” and Angelina Jolie’s face, had her nose fixed (that deep fryer did some damage) and breast reduction after making the final 24, and is called by Simon the worst Idol wannabe since Justin Guarini.

[Last modified January 15, 2007, 18:05:01]