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Music

Singer spreads the love

Gospel stalwart CeCe Winans shares advice about long-lasting relationships, and God is in the details.

By Dalia Wheatt
Published February 15, 2007

The name Mrs. Alvin Love probably doesn't ring a bell, but it's how gospel music queen CeCe Winans has identified herself for the past 22 years.

Although the seven-time Grammy Award winner is known for singing about her love for the Man Upstairs, her latest album, Purified, explores relationships between mere mortals. There's Mama's Kitchen, a breezy R&B tune about quality time between mother and daughter. The danceable Always Sisters is an anthem for girlfriends. And the ballad I Promise (Wedding Song) vows unconditional love.

Winans said she'd like to do an album of all love songs one day. The airwaves are full of lust songs, she explained, but real love is a different story.

"God really shows himself in our relationships. Even in the Bible, it tells the man to love the wife as Christ loved the church. And somehow we feel like we're going to skip over that," the 40-something singer said. "We take care of our cars better than we take care of our marriages."

Calling from her office in Nashville, the aptly named Mrs. Love offered these tips for long-lasting relationships.

Dating do's and don'ts

- Get a life. "First of all, you have to be whole yourself," Winans said. When two whole people come together, they make a whole relationship.

- Get out of bed. "You spend the least time of all, probably, in the bed," Winans said. "You have to enjoy the person's company. ... You have to like the person that you love."

- Find your personal Dr. Phil. Winans married Love when she was 19. She admits she didn't fully realize what she was getting herself into, so she sought advice from older, wiser adults. "You need to belong to people that love God and are going to tell you the truth - not so much what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. And then you have to be willing to submit, because when you do it God's way, then God has a responsibility to take care of you," she said.

- Have an entourage. "Young women should have a covering. For those who don't have their fathers in their lives, then they should have their pastor. I had my father, I had my pastor. I almost had too much covering. (laughs) My brothers almost ran him off."

- Take a step back. Before Winans and Love got hitched, they spent a few months apart - no dating, no talking, no nothing. When they reunited, both felt whole and ready to tie the knot.

Keys to wedded bliss

- Let him wear the pants. "You have to understand that just because you're a strong woman doesn't mean that you can't be submissive," Winans said. "I've been married for 22 years now, and I love that my husband is the head of my home. I'm his helper, so he has the last word."

- Fix yourself first. Whenever Winans gets on her knees to complain about something her husband has done, she inevitably discovers flaws of her own.

- Shut up. Instead of nagging her spouse when she thinks he's wrong, Winans waits for him to come around. "Us as women, sometimes we think we have to have the last say or, 'You should hear this.' But let the Lord deal with them," she said.

- Get help before you need it. The Loves occasionally attend marriage conferences for relationship maintenance.

- Put down your score card. Lose the "What have you done for me lately?" attitude. Aim to please your partner, even when he doesn't deserve it.

- Remember love is a verb. "You choose to love," Winans said. So even when you don't feel very loving, act like it anyway. "That's what real love is. Real love stands, whether you feel it or not."

Preview

CeCe Winans

7:30 p.m. Sunday, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, 1010 N MacInnes Place, Tampa. $19.50-$45.50. (813) 229-7827.

[Last modified February 14, 2007, 20:24:55]