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He tried to be a hero. He even had a sword.

By TIMES WIRES
Published February 22, 2007


LIVE, OR ON DVD?

James Van Iveren saw his chance to be a hero. The Oconomowoc, Wis., man was sitting in the apartment he shares with his mom on Feb. 12 when he heard what sounded like a damsel in distress in an upstairs apartment. Thinking he was hearing a rape in progress, he grabbed his heirloom cavalry sword - did we tell you he had a sword? - and made his way to where he heard the noise, kicked in the door very Highlander-style and shouted, "Where is she?" But the neighbor wasn't raping anyone at all, just watching some noisy porn. When police showed up, the neighbor even played the scene he figures Van Iveren heard. After cops carefully viewed the evidence, Van Iveren was charged. "Now I feel stupid," said Van Iveren, 39.

UNLUCKY NUMBERS

You can have 12 dots. Or 14. Not 13.

A designer working for Brussels Airlines thought it would be really cool to stylize a "b" on the new logo for the plane's tail design, above, out of dots. Problem was, it turned out that it took 13 dots to make the "b" she liked. "It was harmony," the designer, Ronane Hoet, said. But 13 anything just doesn't fly among the superstitious. So the company decided it needed to go with either 12 or 14. They passed on 12 because of religious connotations involving the disciples. So 14 it is. But even that could put them in bad with some Chinese passengers. In Mandarin, the word for 14 sounds a lot like the word for "to want to die," which is also bad karma on an airplane.

GET TANKED ON POT

This truck has a marijuana problem

A couple from Washington state was driving through St. Paul, Minn., when they started having fuel problems. So they pulled into the local Midas to have them take a look. Hmmmmmm, wonder if it has anything to do with this suspicious weld in the gas tank, the friendly mechanic thought to himself. Before telling the couple, though, he called the police, who found more than 150 pounds of marijuana in the tank. Well, there's your problem. The couple has been detained. The pickup is relaxing and wants to take a nap, but hopes to find a snack first.

BLAME IT ON BACON

Six insurgencies of Kevin Bacon

Here's how The Daily Show military correspondent John Oliver breaks down the Middle East weapons situation:

"Iraq's Sunni insurgency is mostly supplied by Saudi Arabia and Syria, which in turn gets many of its weapons from Russia, which gets its raw materials from South Asia, which mines them with equipment provided by Kevin Bacon. Sooner or later, all the evil in the world seems to stem from that prolific character actor."