Columns

Flat-earth society's warriors

By ROBYN BLUMNER
Published February 25, 2007

The late columnist and to-the-bone Texan Molly Ivins couldn't have thought this one up if her absurdity-meter were spring-loaded, revved up and set to overdrive. Sorry she missed it.

Rep. Warren Chisum, a self-described creationist who is also a Republican state representative from the Texas Panhandle, Appropriations Committee chairman of the House and the second most powerful member of that august body, must have figured that he had that lefty evolution-touting crowd dead to rights. In a memo Chisum circulated to all 149 Texas state representatives, Darwin's theory of evolution was described as nothing more than a Jewish plot.

"Indisputable evidence - long hidden but now available to everyone - demonstrates conclusively that so-called secular evolution science is the Big Bang 15-billion-year alternate 'creation scenario' of the Pharisee Religion," the memo said.

Now, here's the clincher. The memo suggests that because of the evolution theory's connection to ancient "Rabbinic writings" it "cannot legally be taught in taxpayer supported schools, according to the Constitution."

Hah! Chisum had hoisted that science-not-religion crowd on its own petard. They were always crying about church-state separation and the First Amendment, a stricture Chisum undoubtedly never much cared for before. But now there is proof that evolution is just dressed up religion and the JEEEWWWS are behind it. Talk about your poetic justice.

The fact that the six-day story of creation that people like Chisum get so exercised over comes from the Old Testament, the book of the Jewish people, must have slipped Chisum's unengaged mind.

The memo Chisum sent to every colleague was ostensibly written by Rep. Ben Bridges, a five-term Republican from the Georgia state Legislature. Chisum's cover letter vouches for Bridges and expresses great appreciation for "his information on this important topic."

But it appears that the actual author of the memo is Marshall Hall, president of the Cornelia, Ga.-based Fair Education Foundation and the developer of the Web site "www.fixedearth.com." On that Web site you'll find a lunatic brew of anti-Semitism, conspiracy theories and attacks on the scientific establishment. Hall's chief targets are Darwin and Copernicus and their Jewish purveyors such as "Kabbalist physicist Albert Einstein."

Hall believes not only that evolution is a crock but so is the idea that the Earth rotates and circles the sun.

Here's just a tidbit: "The Bible teaches that the Earth is stationary and immovable at the center of a 'small' universe with the sun, moon, and stars going around it every day. All observational and experimental evidence - and non-occult math, i.e., true science - supports the Bible teaching."

That these kinds of rantings have inspired legislative interest rather than involuntary commitment proceedings is a testament to the fierce ignorance that qualifies as leadership today. Wrap anything in religion and biblical literalism and you've punched your ticket to the halls of power in way too many parts of this country.

Bridges and Chisum have had to respond to the press due to their promotion of Hall's ideas and demands by the Anti-Defamation League for a repudiation and apology. Both have predictably backpedaled, though not as much as one would expect in a society that has moved beyond fire and the wheel.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that Bridges maintains it wasn't his memo, so he really shouldn't have to apologize to the Jews. "I regret that these people have been offended, but I didn't offend them because I didn't put the memo out," Bridges told the paper.

Hall claims that Bridges saw the text of the memo and told him to do anything that helps the cause. Hall's wife had been Bridges' campaign manager.

Also, Bridges has demonstrated plenty of common cause with the likes of Hall, having tried in the past to derail the teaching of evolution in schools by sponsoring legislation to that effect. And regarding the memo's contents, Bridges told the Journal-Constitution "I agree with it more than I would the Big Bang Theory or the Darwin Theory."

Back in Texas, Chisum has been more publicly contrite. In his letter to Mark Briskman, director of the ADL North Texas-Oklahoma Regional Office, Chisum says he is "truly sorry" for having disrespected "the religious views held by any person or group." He says that the memo "through further review" does not reflect his views "about such a complicated and deep subject."

Stupid is as stupid does, as Mr. Gump would say. No "further review" is necessary.

[Last modified February 24, 2007, 22:05:09]