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The skinny

By TIMES WIRES
Published March 3, 2007

COME AND GET IT

'FOOD' LOAF PUTS AN END TO THE FOOD FIGHTS

Warden David Riley of the Jefferson County, Pa., jail was tired of the food fights in the cafeteria. So he told the inmates that if they didn't stop, he would change the menu. When it didn't stop, he followed through on his threat and began having the kitchen staff take the various components of the daily offering and compress them into a loaf. "We microwave the food loaf before it is served," Riley said, giving away the secret to his recipe. Five days later, all food throwing has stopped. "I had one inmate tell me, 'Well, warden, you broke me,' " Riley said.

Watch out for the wandering wasabi

The astronauts aboard the international space station are allowed to bring a couple of packs of their favorite foods that they can eat to alleviate the boredom of the MREs they usually have to eat. Sunita Williams was trying to fashion a sushi-like meal when the green paste got loose. And spills in the weightlessness of space are hard to clean up. "It was flying around everywhere," she said. So they are likely to put the tube of wasabi away now. "I don't think we're going to use it anymore," she said. "It's too dangerous."

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

Clocks are chief cause of long wait

The Postal Service has addressed the long wait in 37,000 of its retail branches. By removing clocks. "We want people to focus on postal service and not the clock," said Stephen Seewoester, spokesman for the U.S. Postal Service. The official story is that it's to give a more uniform appearance as part of a "retail standardization program." Leonard Berry, a customer-service expert at Texas A&M University, found a hole in the theory, though. "It's silly. I guess they think people don't have watches." Drat.

FLAW AND ORDER

Customs detects something fishy

Sharon Naismith, 45, has been sentenced to nine months of community service in Australia for trying to smuggle fish into the country. She tried to smuggle the fish in an apron she wore under her dress, and she was caught when customs officers heard "flipping" noises coming from under her clothes. Fourteen of the fish were catfish, but one was an Asian arowana, which is reportedly worth tens of thousands of dollars.

In a sword fight, have biggest sword

Police say a man broke into his ex-girlfriend's Hilton Head Island, S.C., apartment armed with a 3-foot sword. Things could have gotten really ugly, but luckily the ex-girlfriend's roommate is a sword collector, so he picked just the right weapon and whacked the intruder across the arm. Elvis Javier Polanco, 18, was charged with burglary and aggravated assault as he was being patched up at the hospital.

[Last modified March 3, 2007, 01:20:55]