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By TIMES WIRES
Published March 13, 2007

SAVE THE ANIMALS

FIRE ANTS ARE THE MASTERS OF ALL KARMA

There is a big problem plaguing the monks at Hong Hock See Temple in northern Malaysia. A big problem. Seems it is infested with fire ants. But as a bunch of Buddhist monks, they can't just go to Home Depot and get something to spray all over them. No, there is to be no killing. They tried to use a vacuum cleaner to suck them up and release them in the forest. If you have an ant problem, don't bother with the vacuum idea. And it's not like you can reason with fire ants. "We haven't found a solution so far," said Elma Lin, a volunteer at the temple. "Nothing has worked." Well, nothing short of that spray bottle, anyway ...

She must be this guy's best friend

Randy Gurchin saw his beloved 10-month-old, Lucy, fall through the ice and start turning blue in Omaha, Neb. Luckily, he learned resuscitation techniques in the Air Force, and after he performed mouth-to-snout, she was fine. Oh, we didn't mention: Lucy is a bulldog, and is Randy's "best buddy." "Once you get a pet, it's truly part of your family," he said. After pulling her out of the water, he closed her mouth, put his mouth over her nose, breathed air into her lungs and pushed on her chest. After about a minute she began shallow breaths. "You just tend to do whatever it takes to save their life."

THEY'RE SMOKIN'

Hanging out with Dems can be a drag

In his own way, House Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, is working to promote bipartisanship in Washington, D.C. The Washington Post reports that Boehner is a smoker, and the GOP Capitol Hill Club is a smoke-free zone. So when he wants to light up, he drags his butts to the National Democratic Club, where smoking is still allowed.

A MASKED MAN

1 man, in defense of the ski mask

Kevin Lambert of Winsted, Conn., thinks that terrorists and criminals are giving one of his favorite pieces of clothing a bad rap: the ski mask. So he's wearing them around town to prove that not everyone wearing a ski mask has nefarious intents. He got the idea when he walked out of a package store in 2005 and slipped on his mask to get a photo. Someone called the cops. He was sentenced to 15 hours of community service for breach of peace. Ever since, he has been working to end prejudice against the humble ski mask.

'NO KIDDING'

Understatement of the year candidate

"Clearly we need to take security to a higher standard." - Gwen Stafford of Covenant Health System, operator of the Texas hospital from which a woman posing as a medical worker walked away with a newborn baby on Saturday.

[Last modified March 13, 2007, 00:59:04]