Little gems of humor put sparkle in Mondays
By TIMES STAFF
Published March 26, 2007
Although the St. Petersburg Times will still be available in Citrus County, the final issue of the Citrus Times section will be published Sunday.
That means today's is the last Monday Citrus Times.
And that means today is the time to look back at our occasional fun Monday feature: Citrus Slices.
What's a slice? It's a funny exchange, an odd comment, an unusual observation.
It's the kind of thing that isn't "news" but nevertheless must be granted expression.
Among our favorites through the years:
Right Number, Wrong Building: (1994) Pity the poor gentleman who wandered through the new Citrus County Courthouse last week.
He was looking for the county's historical society, which has an office in a room at the Historic Courthouse.
But the room with that same number at the new courthouse - as this red-faced man discovered - is the women's restroom.
He was so intent on finding the room that he didn't notice the sign on the door until it was too late.
Bumper Sticker Combos We Love: (1997) Spotted last week on Main Street in Inverness: a car plastered with two bumper stickers.
One was for WLMS-FM 88.3, a Christian radio station whose motto is "Sharing the Peace of Christ."
The other sticker, affixed to the back window, read: "Horn broke - watch for finger."
Meet Your New Guidance Counselor: (1997) Circuit Judge Michael Blackstone, overseeing juvenile court Thursday in the Citrus County Courthouse, came upon one particularly inept budding criminal. In this minor's case, burglary was once again the charge.
"Is burglary some kind of career with you?" Blackstone asked the young defendant, while waving his criminal record with his hand. "Well, obviously you're not very good at it. You've been caught every time."
She's A Winner: (1998) The election is still to come, but Stephanie McLeod already has won one contest: best campaign slogan. The University of Florida student is vying for a spot on the Mosquito Control Board. Her slogan: "Elect New Blood!"
We'll Write A Clever Headline For This Item Later: (2003) Used books weren't the only items available at the book sale sponsored recently by the Friends of the Citrus County Library System. A Citrus Times staffer purchased several audio books, including one called The Procrastination Cure. Wouldn't you know, the previous owner never got around to listening: The book was still in the original shrink-wrap.
Ouch: (2004) During Tuesday's reorganizational meeting, newly sworn-in school superintendent Sandra "Sam" Himmel said she recently had been talking to other superintendents at a training session. She told them about her unique perspective, going from School Board member to superintendent.
She met an older superintendent at the event and was telling him what a good relationship she was going to have with her board. But he said his relationship was more unusual.
"I've spanked three of my board members," he told her.
It seems the man was a teacher and taught those board members in his - and their - younger days.
Himmel turned to her board members and said, "If any of you want to be spanked, I'm not going to do that."
"Just wait," someone in the audience commented.