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Features

Analyzed down to the last line of script

By MIMI ANDELMAN
Published April 26, 2007

C'mon, Mom, Blades of Glory stars Will Ferrell. Don't you remember, he's the big guy who played that cute, big Elf? The funny soccer coach in Kicking and Screaming? Why not? It's rated PG-13, but so are a lot of movies these days, and ALL the kids are going to see it.

Mom thinks, well, why not, indeed? It looks like a fun movie, with Ferrell and Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) clowning around as an unlikely pair of Olympic figure skaters.

If Mom and Dad are still in doubt, they can now discover the minute details of movies, those bared breasts, bloodbaths, peppered profanities. Web sites, including www.kids-in-mind.com, offer the play-by-play of Blades of Glory and many other movies.

In fact, Kids-in-Mind.com provides so much information it sometimes borders on the absurd. "A man lies on a bearskin rug and strikes a suggestive pose," the Blades review relates at one point. But Kids-in-Mind publisher/editor Aris T. Christofides, who started the service in 1992 on AOL, says, "In a pluralistic world of different cultures, we provide information to make a decision based on their own values."

Its reviews focus on three topics: sex and nudity; violence and gore; and profanity. There are also notes about drug and tobacco use.

And faith? Though Christofides says there is no religious agenda to his advertiser-supported site, he adds, "We do mention, obviously, instances where religion may be involved. We do count religious profanities; some viewers may be offended. Whether (a viewer) is religious, secular, liberal or offended by violence or sex, they have the information to make decisions for themselves."

Here's what Kids-in-Mind.com thinks of Blades of Glory:

Sex/nudity

- A brother and sister kiss passionately. A man kisses a woman's neck and caresses her buttock (they are both clothed). A man licks a woman's face.

- Men and women kiss passionately while outside, a man stands up from behind a shrub zipping up his pants, and another disheveled couple gets up and runs away when a sex addiction counselor tells them to leave.

- A woman wearing a corset and stockings opens her door and invites a man in, he sits on her bed, touches her clothed breasts, and her boyfriend finds them and they stop. A woman cheering for a figure skater takes off her top and yells (we see her in her bra and jeans).

- A man holds another man in the air over his head, with his hand on his crotch, while skating. A man holds another man upside down and their faces are in each other's crotches. Two men dance together, and then several men dance together.

- A man talks about his sexual conquests. A man asks another man if he had sex with a woman. Song lyrics refer to "lady humps," and song lyrics include "stroke me, stroke me," while a man skates and makes sexual gestures with his hands and hips.

- There are sexual undertones in a brother and sister relationship, and when they skate they use suggestive moves. A man lies on a bearskin rug and strikes a suggestive pose. A man skates and grabs his crotch.

Violence/gore

- We see a skating routine where a woman is thrown in the air, her partner kicks his foot in the air and when the woman lands, her head falls off (we see the head separate, roll on the ice, blood spurts on the ice and the woman's leg twitches).

- A man is struck on the head by a man with a metal pipe (we see a bloody bruise on his forehead later).

- A man shoots a skating mascot with a crossbow (the arrow lodges in the mascot's well padded cheek).

- A man jumps over a bridge, and crashes into water below breaking through the ice and is then out of sight.

- Two men bicker while standing on a podium, they shove each other, one falls onto ice, one head-butts the other (we see a bloody mouth and nose), and one falls knocking down a flame that ignites a nearby mascot.

- A man slides on his bare stomach on ice (we see bloody scratches on his chest later. A man is cut on the leg by a skate (the blade tears his pant leg; there's no blood). A man trips on a pearl that was thrown onto the ice, and he breaks his ankle and screams from the pain.

- A woman slaps a man in the face, and he slaps her in the face.

- A man handcuffed to a toilet pipe uses his tongue to pull dirty toilet paper along the floor to retrieve a key.

Profanity

- 4-5 obscene hand gestures, 35 sexual references, 14 scatological terms, 22 anatomical terms, 14 mild obscenities, name-calling (lame, moron, idiot, daddy's boy, crazy), 1 religious profanity, 6 religious exclamations.

Substance use

- A woman takes what are supposed to be prescription drugs while doing a skating routine (to demonstrate how someone might have committed suicide). A man drinks a lot of alcohol from a bottle and appears drunk in several scenes, a man says, "I was hammered," a man drinks a beer and then breaks a bottle of alcohol open and drinks from it. A man says, "I was on Quaaludes."

Word for Word is an occasional feature excerpting passages of interest from books, magazines, Web sites and other sources. The text may be edited for space but the original spelling, grammar and punctuation are unchanged.

[Last modified April 26, 2007, 06:29:51]