A trio of down-home attractions

Music accompanies just about everything in Branson, dubbed the "live music show capital of the world."

By STEVE PERSALL
Published May 6, 2007

The car buyer in 1957 had a wide range of options - and you can see them all, up close and in pristine condition, at '57 Heaven, a museum of every make and model of U.S. car produced that year. The museum shares property with Dick Clark's American Bandstand Theater and Grill.
	['57 Heaven]

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Branson is intended as a family destination, and that family is the Cleavers. This star-spangled notch in the Bible Belt is a testament that American entertainment didn't always require parental warning labels.

The squeaky-clean past is everything and everywhere; on marquees touting Andy Williams' and Jim Stafford's concert theaters and posthumous tributes to comedian Red Skelton, and singers John Denver and Jim Reeves. There are enough old-school comedians, acrobats and impressionists to book a season of Ed Sullivan shows.

Comedian Yakov Smirnoff stretched his career by being one of the first eclipsed stars to relocate smack dab in the middle of a heartland tired of bicoastal hype.

Smirnoff's catchphrase "What a country" is taken seriously here. Souvenir store shelves are stocked with bedazzled red, white and blue apparel and reminders of white-hat days in the Old West.

Hee Haw humor and non-threatening music with understandable lyrics are the standard in Branson's theaters.

Think there isn't a market for such wholesome entertainment? Consider that Branson's 55, 000 seats in 49 performance venues eclipse Broadway's entire theater district. They are filled almost as consistently in season. A lot of families want the kind of tame, economical leisure time that Disney sold out years ago.

We visited Branson on the cusp of its busy season from April through December, so several major attractions were closed. Our 36-hour stopover limited us to three touristy pastimes and one Thoreauvian night (see the accompanying lodging feature). We'll be back for more.

A comprehensive area Web site (www.branson.com) and the Chamber of Commerce site (www.explorebranson. com) offer information on events and continuing shows, plus links to ticket reservations when available. Not every business here is online.

Branson shows start and end on time, rather than big-city functions where folks arrive fashionably late and leave early to be cool. Manners mean more than beating traffic. Visitors can expect the two-lane Highway 76 strip to be slow going in the late morning when attractions open and in the early evening when shows begin.

Here's what we enjoyed amid Branson's nostalgia trip:

Dick Clark's American Bandstand Theater

You know Branson is an old-fashioned place when music mogul Dick Clark is the newest kid in town.

Clark's reputation imprints the 1-year-old American Bandstand Theater and Grill, the nearest to 21st century pop culture in Branson. Even so, it's decades from modernity since the attraction shares space with '57 Heaven, an astounding museum of every automobile make and model built that year.

The 1960s chart-toppers Paul Revere and the Raiders (without Mark Lindsay) are regular performers in the 900-seat theater, swapping sets with surviving Righteous Brother Bill Medley. The diner's menu is guiltlessly nostalgic for days when cholesterol wasn't counted.

A cozy retro bar with TVs showing American Bandstand clips was nearly empty - on St. Patrick's Day - since alcohol isn't a key ingredient in the Branson experience. There are probably other places to imbibe, but don't waste time looking.

Instead, be intoxicated by '57 Heaven's shiny collection of fuel-injected memories.

'57 Heaven is the brainchild of former Florida publisher Glenn Patch, who 15 years ago began collecting 1957 cars exclusively. Patch kept his collection stored in a Tempe, Ariz., warehouse, viewed by personal invitation only, until an offer came to merge with Clark's empire.

The museum will soon install tour recordings for visitors to hear, and that's a shame. Everyone should have the pleasure of listening to general manager Ralph Hurley wax poetic about this auto Americana. The 20-year Navy veteran left a successful aviation career to care for these babies.

It's hard to pick favorites among these spiffy rides, polished daily and arranged in set pieces including a drive-in movie theater, a carhop burger joint and re-created dealer showrooms. Rope barriers and attentive guides keep anyone from getting close enough to touch.

One eye-popper is a '57 Nash Ambassador, a two-door hardtop with a three-tone color scheme - Pacific blue, solitaire blue and frost white trim - making today's cars appear drab, indeed. A black Ford Courier converted into a hearse (with air conditioning, as a fender plaque brags) would be a sweet final ride. Then there's a Chrysler 300-C convertible equipped with a 16 2/3 rpm record player under the dashboard, the ancestor of modern audio systems.

"Chrysler had the records pressed at half the usual album speed, " Hurley said, "so you could only play records bought from Chrysler."

The owners of '57 Heaven have acquired 28 acres of land, including a motel, for future expansion of the Dick Clark complex. Just don't mess with this astonishing parking lot.

Dick Clark's American Bandstand Theater and Grill, with '57 Heaven car museum. Concert tickets are $29-$39; museum tickets are $18 for adults and $9.95 for children ages 5-11. Combo discount packages are available. Visit www.dickclarksabbranson.com or call toll-free 1-800-985-3144 for information and reservations.

World's Largest Toy Museum

Stepping inside the World's Largest Toy Museum is akin to waking up on every child's Christmas morning since the 1800s.

Ten thousand square, cluttered feet of memories, packed with everything from rusty toy tractors to Donald Trump's Apprentice doll. Tonka, Matchbox, Milton Bradley, Mattel; you name it and the World's Largest Toy Museum likely has it.

Co-owner Tom Beck never counted everything in the place but says 1-million pieces wouldn't be a bad guess.

One corner is nothing but Old West playthings: Lone Ranger costumes, sheriff's badges and a wall of cap guns. Wind through the aisles to another section where dozens of original Star Wars action figures stand ready to battle the Dark Side.

Stacks of classic board games, space gun arsenals and too many superhero artifacts to count are stored in amusingly haphazard fashion, as if we're inside a toy box that desperately needs sorting.

The only drawback is that you can't play with anything locked inside the glass cases. Otherwise, take all the photographs you wish and stay as long as you like.

A sharp contrast is the Harold Bell Wright tribute sharing the premises. The 19th century minister, artist and author didn't seem like the playful type. He did write The Shepherd of the Hills, a Western passion play of sorts that still is performed in Branson during the holiday season, and 18 other faith-based works. Ronald Reagan was a fan, as a framed personal letter attests.

Pay your respects, then go outside to play again. Be home when the street lights turn on.

World's Largest Toy Museum and tribute to author Harold Bell Wright. Tickets are $9.95 for adults, $7.95 for children age 7 and older. Visit www.worldslargesttoymuseum.com or call (417) 332-1499 for information.

Circle B Chuckwagon & Cowboy Show

Don't sass the pretty blond working the cash register for the homespun dinner show at the Circle B Chuckwagon. Later, Katie Horn will be serving your food, and after that she'll be onstage picking, singing and perhaps grinning with good-natured revenge.

The Circle B Chuckwagon is a decidedly family affair. The Horn clan expanded their Black Hills of South Dakota business to Branson, and practically everyone on the payroll is kin, by birth or by marriage. At the end of their two-hour show, you'll feel like an honorary cousin yourself.

Father Kemp is the ramrod of this affable bunch, running the kitchen and leading the pre-meal entertainment, Pledge of Allegiance and prayer. His wife, Michelle, is the greeter in perpetual motion. Their son Mike is Kemp's goofy comedy sidekick and restaurant handyman. Katie and sisters Megan and Christiana do whatever is needed at any time.

You'll meet them all on the way out, sincerely offering thanks for coming and wishes for your return.

When the dinner bell rings, the Horns are the service staff rushing from the wings, setting metal plates of beef brisket, sausage, beans, applesauce and biscuits before hungry customers. Second helpings come with smiling urges to take 'em even if you're full.

After the dishes are cleared, the family transforms into Riders of the Circle B, twanging old-school country songs - plus an impressive yee-haw take on ABBA's Fernando - while you're digesting or chuckling at the Bible Belt humor.

Sample joke: Katie insists that Jesus and his disciples drove a car. "It says so in the Bible," she says. "They were all in one Accord."

All that's missing is a drum set for the rim shots. And maybe a toothpick.

Circle B Chuckwagon & Cowboy Music Show, Monday through Saturday at 5 p.m., lunch on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. Tickets are $29.50 for adults and $14.50 for children ages 4-12. Three-year-olds can get a $3.50 PB&J plate, and anyone younger is free on their parents' laps. Visit www.circlebchuckwagon.com or call toll-free 1-800- 678-6179 for information.

[Last modified May 4, 2007, 20:28:37]