Courage for your conviction, Paris

By ERIC DEGGANS, Times TV/Media Critic
Published June 14, 2007

So the dumb blond thing was an act? - From jail Sunday, Paris Hilton insisted she was ready to get real, telling Barbara Walters: "I'm not the same person I was. I used to act dumb. It was an act." Those of us who saw her in House of Wax wonder if her acting chops are really so strong. Still, we're here to help. From our staff, some advice if Hilton is serious about getting serious.

Change name to another European capital. Like Berlin. Or Budapest. Or Brussels.

Ditch the scrawny chihuahua with the Wikipedia entry — see: Tinkerbell (dog) — in favor of a basset hound. Call it Wellington.

Give scared straight lectures to Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears on the horror of two weeks with no cell phone.

Boy toys like NFL quarterback Matt Leinart are history. Time for a guy more likely to upgrade your serious image: Fred Thompson. Or maybe Henry Kissinger.

Too political for you? Try an artistic Josh like Groban or Bell.

Forget those holidays on the Riviera. Instead, build huts in Botswana with Angelina Jolie. Extra points for adopting a child while there.

Kick Nicole to the curb and get a new sidekick, like Stephen Hawking or Bill Gates.

Write a memoir without a pink dust jacket.

Drop “that’s hot.’’ It’s so not.

Lose the nasty hair extensions and get a new ’do. The Hillary? The Condi?

Consider reading these classic works of literature: , F. Scott Fitzgerald; , Raymond Chandler; , Emily Bronte. In each, a rich, spoiled blond does anything her little heart desires. In each, someone ends up dead.

Take a vow of silence and enter a convent. Might not do much for Paris, but the rest of us could use the break.

Eric Deggans can be reached at deggans@sptimes.com. Read more on Paris Hilton on his media blog at blogs.tampabay.com/media.

[Last modified June 14, 2007, 10:10:33]