Dear SIr, would You keep. This money?!
By HOWARD TROXLER
Published July 15, 2007
Here's good news: The quality of crooks on the Internet lately is getting much more entertaining.
After all, anybody can claim to be a banker in Africa who wants to give you money, as in this e-mail I got last week typos included:
My name is Mr. Maxwell Kwame: i'm the present branch Manager of Metropolitan And Allied Bank [Gh]Ltd. Dansonman branch, Ghana.
I write to solicit for your partnership in claiming the amount of $15,300,000M from an aaccount at our Head Office .
Unfortunately for Mr. Kwame, I was already leaning toward this other guy:
Firstly, I will like to introduce myself formally as Prof. Charles Soludo, The Executive Governor of The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN).You are been officially contacted by me today because your Inheritance Funds were Re-depositted into the "Federal Suspense Account" of CBN last week...
(I've always wondered why crooks in Nigeria or wherever Don't learn to Stop capitalizing words at Random.)
Anyway, I've accidentally become a collector of these e-mails, so I thought I'd ask for yours. Send 'em to me at troxlblog@sptimes.com and I'll put 'em online.
Here's one ripped from the headlines (or from a George Clooney movie). A "Captain Simon Smith" says he was on a Marine patrol in Iraq that captured a cell of terrorists:
[W]e recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $24 Million after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them. ...
This guy and his "junior intelligent officers" need someone to hold the cash 'til they get home. But the cheapskate is only offering a 14 percent commission!
I'm Mr. Kelly Brown, a building Contractor. And as a contractor, I travel a lot. I am presently in Muswell Hill Village in London to complete A Contract.... I am therefore looking for someone who Will act as my receiving agent in the United States...
Now and then the writer is smarter. A friend got one the other day addressed to "Dear Potential Employee," asking for information to comply with "company policy," which might catch someone really applying for a job off guard:
And last week a reader sent me an e-mail he got from the "IRS," informing him he has an extra refund coming. All he has to do is supply his banking information. ...
I'm sure that YOU are too smart to fall for any of this. These tricks are famous; all you have to do is run an Internet search on "e-mail scams" to find lots of examples.
But forgive me for warning your friends and neighbors. Hardly a week passes that someone doesn't ask me whether theirs is actually real.
In closing, here's one sent to a colleague that made me stand up and cheer:
I am Mrs. Estrella Diaz Nzamaz from Spain married to Mr. Paul Nzamaz from South Africa for seven years now we have two kids, I am the manager bills and exchange at the foreign remittance department of C.C. bank here in Spain. I have a business proposal which I believe that will be a very Good opportunity for both of us...
Why do I like this one?
Because it came via old-fashioned letter. Who says that the Internet is putting print out of business?