Watch the microwave popcorn or you'll get burned

By Dalia Wheatt
Published July 18, 2007

It's healthy. It's convenient. And, occasionally, "it stinks and it's annoying," Mary Dietrich said.

Dietrich snacks on microwave popcorn about once a month at her desk and said she never burns it, unlike some people. The stench of charred kernels is a rare occurrence at Universal American Mortgage Company in Clearwater, where Dietrich, 29, works as a processor. When someone does commit that ultimate workplace transgression, her 40 or so co-workers don't openly condemn the culprit. But Dietrich has heard grumblings.

Nobody likes that smell - the sharp, unmistakable stench of a good snack gone bad, caused by a co-worker's incorrect assumption that he had time to press the "start" button, run a quick errand and be back to the microwave with seconds to spare. At best, burnt popcorn leaves you a little on the asphyxiated side. At worst, it leaves your entire office curbside while the fire department investigates.

Some companies post popping guidelines in the break room. Last month in Seattle, after several popcorn-related evacuations at City Hall and other buildings, the town's Fleets and Facilities Department warned of a ban if employees couldn't learn the art of prudent popping.

Blacklisting a favorite afternoon treat? There must be a better way, especially because the scent of microwave popcorn done right is euphoric.

"If someone else makes some, it makes you want to eat it - if they actually cook it properly," Dietrich said. "Because it's one of those smells that, whether it be good or bad, it lingers through the whole office."

For those in need of guidance, here is tbt*'s unofficial guide to popcorn protocol.

Fess up. If your colleagues reach for their inhalers because of your botched attempt at salty snackfood, then take the blame. Whoever burned it earned it.

Next time, stay near the microwave. Two-to-three minutes seem like forever when you're just standing there, watching the bag go 'round and 'round. But seriously, you cannot send an e-mail and be back in time to rescue your Orville Redenbacher's. So bring a newspaper and read the comics while you wait.

Quit while you're ahead. Don't try to get your money's worth by making sure every last kernel has blossomed. When the climax of pops ends, press "stop."

Bring enough to share. Your co-workers are less likely to hate on your popcorn habit if you scoop some into coffee filters and pass it around.

Create good popcorn karma. So your cubemate abandoned her Pop Secret to go pee. If it starts to smell funny, do everyone a favor and take it out of the microwave.

Consider another snack. Switch to rice cakes and no one gets burned.

[Last modified July 17, 2007, 17:56:42]