Guest Column

Harry and cohorts have lessons for us muggles

By MARY PARTINGTON, Guest columnist
Published August 3, 2007

ADVERTISEMENT [AP] The madhouse scene at this Tempe, Ariz., bookstore was repeated nationwide, as hordes of Harry Potter fans press in for a copy of the final book in J.K. Rowling's seven-book series on July 21.

Harry Potter has cast a spell upon us.

Harry Potter is all you see or hear. Don't get me wrong. I have read all the Harry Potter books and as a writer I am envious of such a huge success and I wish J.K. Rowling all the best.

I would buy her latest book but I have my name on the list at the library for the CD edition. I have all the other books but I have run out of room.

A Harry Potter world is filled with enchantments and the supernatural. Some people have a problem with the whole concept of magical thinking. Frankly, I enjoy the books and am happy to see youngsters excited about reading. It is fiction and if you have watched certain Disney movies for children there is an element of fright in them.

If this were my Harry Potter world, things would be full of enchantments and fairy tales, but I would cast spells on certain functions of life.

In my Harry Potter world, all fast-food containers, wrappers, cups and bags would stick to the purchaser's fingers and body until they were deposited in the proper receptacles. If you threw them out the window of your vehicle the paper goods would attach themselves to your vehicle like a thousand love bugs.

In my Harry Potter world, smokers would have to repeat an incantation five times before a pack of cigarettes could be opened. The incantation would be, "Smoking kills!" When the last cigarette is removed from the pack the package bursts into smoke and leaves the message "stupid" flashing before the smoker's eyes.

In my Harry Potter world, anyone who commits road rage would have their vehicle turned into a complete rust bucket with a horn that continues to blare. The road rage offender would be confined to the fast lane at 40 mph forever.

In my Harry Potter world, any child who teases another child will immediately break out in huge orange and green oozing zits. Their clothes would be out of fashion and their braces would never come off.

In my Harry Potter world, anyone who uses their middle finger as a gesture of displeasure would have their hand turn into spaghetti and their head would become a giant meatball. Their brains are already meatballs so now their face would match.

In my Harry Potter world, anyone who is disagreeable or discourteous in manner or action will have their forehead tattooed with "I'm sorry" and a sign on their backside that reads "Kick me!"

In my Harry Potter world, anyone who knowingly hurts a child will be placed in stocks in the center of town forever. Their care and feeding would be left up to the masses who pass by.

In my Harry Potter world, anyone who acts with honesty, generosity, patience, integrity and goodwill will be met with honesty, generosity, patience, integrity and goodwill. The magic is remembering to follow the Golden Rule.

Mary Partington lives in New Port Richey.

[Last modified August 2, 2007, 21:15:42]