Now class, say the ABCs of whatever

By HOWARD TROXLER, Times Columnist
Published August 21, 2007

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A is for Apple, and back-to-school days,

But also for Airport (up the Panhandle way).

B is for Blair, that Hillsborough pol,

Who makes us miss Ronda, gay issues and all.

C is for Charlie, our lovable gov'nor,

Who's got a good slogan for whatever's troublin' yer.

D is for "Drop like a rock," as in taxes,

A promise that didn't quite work out in practice. 

E is for Emissions, of foul greenhouse gases,

Some say it's all fake, but it's sure hot as molasses.

F is for Finance, our economy's shaky,

Built on credit, and mortgages, and other things fakey. 

G is for Gonzalez, the nation's top lawyer,

He can't remember his breakfast, let alone what he oughter.

H is for Homestead, a tax break, go figure,

If it's so unfair now, then let's just make it bigger!

I is for Insurance, and this bitter jest,

They'll cover what's inland, and stick the state with the rest.

J is for Just a bit longer, that's all,

'Til that desal plant's running (though they now say, this fall).

K is for Kazmir, a real comer, one thinks,

And Shields, even Jackson — it's the hitting that stinks.

L is for local, as in, nearby schools,

Though these days in Pinellas, who can figure the rules?

M is for Merit, more pay for some teachers,

But they still smell a rat (or some other vile creature).

N is for No-fault, a good rule in marriage,

But more controversial for one's motor carriage.

O is for Offense, and new QB Garcia,

But if Gruden's record's not better, it's time to say, "see ya."

P is for our early Primary, which shoulda been shelved,

Now some states are voting — for 2012.

Q is for Quinella, a kind of track bet,

Though in Tampa, a greyhound is now just a pet.

R is for Rick, the St. Petersburg mayor,

A green task force member (with incinerator).

S is for Smith, the prop'ty appraiser,

Sold his land to the county, didn't think it would faze you.

T is for Transit, and toll roads, and tar,

We'll talk about light rail, but we'll just buy more cars.

U is for the University system — good luck!

In sports we're top-rated, in quality, we … aren't great.

V is for Voting machines, now all thrown out,

We're switching to new ones, to remove (ha!) all doubt.

W is for Wildlife, the gov'nor's commission,

Why should a few manatees slow down the fishin'?

X is for a generation now turning gray

I confess, it's fun hearing them cry, "Kids today!"

Y is for You, mouse in hand,

A precious reader in this iPod land.

Z is for Zed, and Zee — it's the end,

Now craft e-mails saying, "You're no poet!" Hit "Send."

 

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