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By Times Wires
Published August 23, 2007

POULTRY PLOTTING

CAN'T TELL THE TERRORISTS FROM CHICKEN FARMERS

When we run out of sweet and sour dipping sauce, the terrorists win. Or something like that. Fearing the potential of a jihad from the chicken coop, the Department of Homeland Security has proposed a new regulation to have anyone with 7,500 pounds or more of propane register it with the agency. Industry officials estimate that would include up to 40,000 farms, where farmers use the gas to keep their chickens from freezing until they're supposed to be frozen. A number of senators have expressed concern over the measure, and industry analysts think it is pointless. "It's ridiculous," said Bill Satterfield of a poultry trade group. "An exploding propane tank would do little harm to the chicken houses, much less any other buildings on the farm, much less anybody else."

AMAZING NEW PRODUCT

It's CLEAR! you need this product

Officials in New Zealand report that a man in his 80s was shopping in a hardware store, named Placemakers, near Auckland when he suffered a heart attack. Luckily, Gavin MacDonell was there. He just happened to be trying to sell the store a defibrillator and saw the situation as the ultimate sales pitch. "Once we got a shock into him he started to gag, and we thought 'this bloke's coming back,' " he told the New Zealand Herald. "The people in the shop that were working there were just blown away."

FLAW & ORDER

The getaway car should be unlocked

There was no criminal genius going on in Northvale, N.J. First, a robber walked in to Petrillo's Deli at 6:30 a.m., which was opening for the first time after being closed for vacation for a couple of weeks, and robbed the place at knifepoint. He made his way to the getaway car with the $38 the store had on hand to make change, and realized he locked his keys in his car, according to the Record of Bergen County. He broke in, but it slowed him down long enough for police to catch up to him.

UPDATES

Barbie Bandits

Heather Johnston, one of the two Barbie Bandits of Marietta, Ga., pleaded guilty to felony theft and misdemeanor possession charges, saying she wanted to take responsibility for her actions. She was arrested in February after she and Ashley Miller were seen laughing as they stole about $11,000 from a bank in Acworth, Ga. She could get up to three years in prison, but won't be sentenced until the conclusion of the cases against her three accomplices.

Nudity in Vt.

Nudity is back in Brattleboro. The Vermont city voted against making permanent a ban on public nudity it passed last month. So when the ordinance expires next month, clothing-optional will once again be the law of the land. Just in time for winter.

Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at jwebster@sptimes.com.

[Last modified August 23, 2007, 00:33:23]