Column

Who would have thought pie was this complicated?

By JEFF WEBB, Editor of Editorials
Published September 26, 2007

I wasn't actively looking for an excuse to give my doctor about why I haven't lost that 15 pounds she keeps nagging me about. But, like so many solutions that emerge when we expect them the least and need them the most, this one was tied up with a ribbon and dropped into my gradually disappearing lap.

I had not heard from Diane Marsh in a while. But when I opened the e-mail she sent a couple of weeks ago, I recognized it immediately as a gift from an old friend who remembers my passion for food. The added benefit for me, about which Diane could not have known, was that her invitation was a legitimate in-the-line-of-duty rationalization to throw my diet out the window.

Such was my mind-set as I arrived to take a seat as judge for the pie-baking contest at the Spring Hill Community Association's 40th Anniversary Celebration on Saturday. I was borderline giddy about the prospect of sampling these scrumptious sweets. And our event was held inside, away from the humidity and threatening skies others endured outdoors. This, I thought, will be a piece of cake.

As it turns out, it wasn't even as easy as pie.

First, there were only four judges. Two shared my credentials: male, hungry and proud owners of a sweet tooth. To say that we were amateurs would be like saying Emeril Lagasse dabbles in the kitchen.

But the fourth judge was a ringer, and as contest organizer Diane already knew, that would make all the difference.

Shirley Mussatto is a professional pie judge. The Brooksville resident is sanctioned by the American Pie Council and for the past fouryears has judged the national competition, the Great American Pie Festival, which is held in Kissimmee in April and sponsored by Crisco. Mussatto specializes in pies made with fruit. One germane observation: Mussatto, a retired pastry chef, is skinny, which, considering her culinary background and affection for strawberry-custard pie, really reinforces the legendary anything-in-moderation philosophy. Go figure.

Sitting next to Mussatto was an education. In a matter of minutes she transformed me from a judge whose depth of knowledge was limited to "Wow! That (looks, smells, tastes) really good!" Soon, I was making deliberate judgments and semi-lucid declarations about such obvious aspects as appearance and flavor, but also branching out to critique "mouth-feel," "crust consistency" and "aftertaste."

I learned that, as one does when one tastes wine, one must cleanse one's palate between bites of pie. This is accomplished with bottled water and crackers. And if one wants to clear one's olfactory senses, one sniffs coffee beans or coffee grounds.

But unlike wine tastings, where for-real judges sample so many they must sip, swoosh and spit to avoid becoming intoxicated, in the pie world one is expected to swallow. (This expectation takes on added significance when people who baked the pies you are eating are in the audience and watching for your reaction, which was the case Saturday.)

That brings me to a complication I had not foreseen. There were 37 pies entered in the contest, and I had to have at least one bite of all of them. The way I figure it, we each ate the equivalent of almost a whole pie, several glasses of water and about 10 crackers.

I avoided going into a sugar coma, but I could not escape the queasy stomach that ensued for the next few hours. I was fine by evening and resumed packing on the pounds in my usual fashion. The damage I did that day may take a few weeks of extra-long walks, but it was worth it. And, of course, there is the non-caloric fulfillment that comes from doing it all for a good cause.

But next time, assuming there might be an opportunity sometime before Spring Hill's 80th anniversary celebration, enter me in the wine-judging contest.

Or, just let me run one of one of those weight-guessing booths, like at the county fair.

Jeff Webb can be reached at webb@sptimes.com or (352) 754-6123. If you are his doctor, relax; he'll see you soon.

[Last modified September 25, 2007, 20:09:24]