Stings of the past help girls today

They didn't call it "RA" then, but girl-on-girl bullying can be better dealt with now.

By LISA BUIE, Times Staff Writer
Published September 29, 2007

Lizette Alexander is 55 years old, but the memories still cause pain.

The pain of being called names. Of being the butt of other girls' jokes because her Cuban heritage meant her hair was naturally curly. Of being ridiculed for being an immigrant and having to learn English as a second language. Of being called uncool because she wore second-hand clothes and actually went to school eager to learn.

"For a while during the summer I would not go outside," said Alexander, who is now director of student services for the Pasco County School District. "I didn't want to look anymore different. I was mortified."

Alexander was ultimately able to deal with the situation because she had support from teachers and family members.

It had no name back in the 1970s, but Alexander found herself the victim of what is now called relational aggression. Known in clinical circles as "RA," it describes tactics girls use to gain power over classmates by manipulating friendships.

Behaviors run the gamut, from setting up defamatory Web sites, to starting false rumors, to eye-rolling, to exclusion, getting someone to confide sensitive information only to spread it around.

As an administrator in charge of discipline, Alexander sees lots of cases of girls tearing down other girls. That's why the student services department has pronounced the 2007-08 as "The Year of the Girl" and plan to offer a series of programs aimed at raising girls' self-esteem.

(For those keeping score, the district plans to make 2008-09 "The Year of the Boy" and offer programs tailored to the challenges unique to raising sons.)

The year kicks off with a presentation by RA expert Kaye Randall, a licensed social worker and owner of a South Carolina counseling agency. Randall co-wrote a book called Mean Girls: 1011/2 Creative Strategies and Activities for Working with Relational Aggression.

The book includes a glossary for parents of cyber language, a survey that can be used at school, as well as activities that boost self-esteem and encourage girls to treat one another appropriately. It also includes a section on what parents can do if their daughters are involved in relational aggression, something that can be hard to determine, Sherri Dunham, supervisor of the Safe and Drug-Free Schools program who helped organize this year's seminars.

"Sometimes it all looks fine on the surface," said Dunham, also a mother of two girls.

Lisa Buie can be reached at buie@sptimes.com or (813) 909-4604.

Year of the Girl

Step It Up and Step Out: Empowering Girls to Achieve Their Full Potential, 6 p.m. Wednesday, main building, Land O'Lakes High School, 20325 Gator Lane, Land O'Lakes.

December (date to be announced): Workshop for secondary girls, their parents and staff on physical concerns for girls such as body image, exercise, nutrition, and eating disorders.

February: (date to be announced) Workshop on parent-daughter communication for secondary girls, parents and staff.

April (date to be announced) Workshop for elementary girls, parents and staff on raising healthy and resilient girls with high self-esteem.

For more information, call the Pasco School District Student Services Department at (813) 794-2442, (727) 774-2442 or (352) 524-2442.

[Last modified September 28, 2007, 20:17:28]