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A father is more than a luxury
A Miami Herald newspaper columnist discusses the dangers of growing up in a world where being fatherless is the norm.
By Sharon Ginn, Times Correspondent
Published October 1, 2007
TAMPA - Pulitzer Prize winner Leonard Pitts Jr. writes about terrorism, politics and society as a Washington-based columnist for the
Miami Herald. But one of his favorite subjects is how being a father has changed his life - and how, ideally, it should change the life of every man who fathers a child. Yet it doesn't.
Pitts' 1999 book Becoming Dad: Black Men and the Journey to Fatherhood was released in paperback last year. The father of five (three boys, two girls) appeared in late September at a breakfast hosted by the Boys Initiative of Tampa Bay and lamented how in many communities, fathers have been marginalized and devalued.
As an example, Pitts talked about a friend, an African-American schoolteacher in Los Angeles, who was about to be discharged from a hospital after giving birth. The nurse doing the exit interview was surprised to hear Pitts' friend was married.
"The nurse stopped writing and looked up and said, 'You're married? That's odd.' " Pitts said.
"What's odd is that we have become the kind of nation where being married and (then) having a child is considered odd. The father has become an emergency backup parent, a luxury parent, sort of a good thing to have in a pinch - not really necessary, not really crucial. Fatherless has become the new normal."
This societal shift is particularly damaging to young boys, Pitts said. He pointed to research that shows boys who grow up without fathers are more likely to be impoverished, do poorly in school or drop out, do drugs or exhibit other behavioral problems. They're more likely to end up in jail or become teenage fathers, he said.
Girls, on the other hand, grow up not knowing what it is like to have a healthy male role model, and as a result often choose poorly when looking for a mate, he said. Research shows that the presence of a stepfather or male friend or healthy family finances do not always make a difference, he said.
"A man is more than a paycheck," Pitts said. "I've talked to hundreds of men and women about the effect of their father's absence, and I have yet to hear one of them say the biggest problem was that they came out poor. It always seems to be about the man, not the money.
"When it comes to fathers and their sons, I would argue that the bond is not fundamentally financial, only emotional, or solely sentimental. It is biological. It is ever more obvious to me that there is a bone-deep need for connection with this man."
Pitts' appearance at the Tampa event was to help raise funds for the year-old Boys Initiative, a group dedicated to helping meet boys' needs in the Tampa Bay area. The group sponsors programs for boys and training and professional development for adults.
Sharon Ginn is a freelance writer in Tampa.
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To learn more
For more information on the Boys Initiative of Tampa Bay, visit www.opheliatampa.org/boysproject.htm or call (813) 514-9555.
[Last modified September 28, 2007, 16:38:43]
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