Column

Romance and the successful woman

By ERNEST HOOPER
Published October 2, 2007

Imet a woman the other day who told me diminishing her career improves her dating opportunities.

I couldn't believe it, but she said for months she's conducted an experiment. If she goes out, meets a guy and tells him the truth - that she's a high-ranking executive - the guy runs the other way. But if she tells a little white lie and describes her job as "administrative assistant," the guy becomes more attentive and almost always gives her his number.

Amazing.

A married friend of mine tells me her husband hates the fact she makes more money, and a former colleague said a once promising relationship went sour as soon as the guy found out her job pays more than his.

It's a phenomenon I'd heard about before from single female friends, and I remain baffled. Growing up, I thought every man wanted a woman who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you're a man.

But maybe that was just a perfume commercial.

My women friends say a lot of guys are intimidated by successful women. Even though it's the 21st century, some men hold the traditional position that the man should be the breadwinner, that money is power and they should possess both.

Another theory: Some men aren't willing to accept the intellectual challenge offered by a career-driven woman. They know they have to work harder to please her, and they don't want to work hard.

Or maybe some men fear rejection, thinking there's no way they can meet the high standards of the successful woman.

Some men I know see it differently. It's not intimidation, just a feeling that the career woman is so driven she can't be lighthearted and fun. She wants to talk about her three new hires and he wants to talk about the Three Stooges.

Still, I don't get it. For one, I know a lot of guys who want nothing more than to meet a sexy, successful professional woman ... so they can quit their jobs and sit at home and play video games every day.

Seriously, a lot of guys I know find career-minded women attractive. They like their drive, admire their ambition and appreciate their intelligence.

Of course, most of those guys are married.

Hey, if I had all the answers, I would quit this job and become Dr. Phil. This much is certain: Bring up the topic around single folks, and almost everyone will have a theory. When things get heated, men fault women's unreasonable expectations and women fault men's shallow nature.

Me? I just know that some guys need to dig deeper in searching for a mate.

As for women, whether she works as a nanny or runs her own company, who she is on the inside should be the determining factor. A professional woman can be nurturing and caring at home and a stay-at-a-home mom can be as intellectually stimulating as a chief executive.

The career-driven women doesn't always have to let her career drive the conversation. But I don't think you should have to diminish your success. If you've worked hard, you deserve to be proud.

And it wouldn't hurt if you knew a little about football or could recall a favorite Three Stooges episodes.

That's all I'm saying.

[Last modified October 2, 2007, 01:26:31]