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Letter to the editor

To aid her son, board member says she has to give him up

Nancy Bostock pleads for more state help in difficult adoptions.

By REBECCA CATALANELLO
Published October 23, 2007

ADVERTISEMENT [Joseph Garnett Jr. | Times] "I'm his mom and I will love him forever," says Bostock (pictured above at school board workshop earlier in October.) Readers react Synesthesia: You have no idea what this is like, so put aside your judgement and see things from her perspective. A lot of the times a child is adopted out by the state without the adoptive parents knowing anything about their history. The system needs to change Dan T: The help he needs". Children, bio. or adopted can have mental illness and become mentally ill adults. The blame game here is stupid. It assumes some magic expensive tx will help this child. Maybe yes, maybe no. MH services stink nation wide. Allen: My wife and I are in the same situation with a 12yr. old girl. She has already assaulted my wife and continually threatens our adopted 7yr.old twins. We have a counselor for her but it is doing no good. I feel for Nancy because I can relate. More reader comments

Like dozens of citizens who approached the microphone, she wanted to tell politicians what was wrong with the state's adoption system.

But she was no ordinary citizen.

Nancy N. Bostock - a Pinellas County School Board member and adoptive mother to two children - went public Monday night with a private tale of heartbreak.

In her allotted two minutes, she told the state Senate Committee on Children, Families and Elder Affairs that she is relinquishing custody of the boy she and her husband adopted seven years ago at age 4.

The boy's problems ran deep. The state didn't help enough, she said.

"We naively thought that our love and our stable home would be enough," Bostock said.

Recently, she said, she called a child abuse hotline on herself when she felt her efforts to help the boy had reached their limits. She had not hurt him. But she told the person on the phone that she needed help.

She knew this day was coming.

Her son, born with exposure to drugs and alcohol, needs out-of-home care, she believes. He spent 15 to 16 months in Carlton Manor in St. Petersburg, a home for children with severe emotional issues. But his state-approved stay ended in March.

An employee with the Department of Children and Families told her the boy would have to physically harm her to qualify for placement in another treatment facility, she said.

Bostock told the Senate committee, which is chaired by state Sen. Ronda Storms, that she and her husband, Craig, are in the process of legally abandoning the child in court so he'll become the state's responsibility.

That is the only way he can get the help he needs, she said.

It pains her to let go. She has spent much of her life trying to help create safe places for children. But she feels she has no choice.

During the public hearing at Hillsborough Community College, Bostock asked state lawmakers and DCF Secretary Bob Butterworth to do more to help adoptive parents by improving access to mental health care and paying for treatment.

"I want to advocate for adoption of children with disabilities, but right now - with the lack of post-adoption support - I can't with good conscience advocate for this," she said.

In the months before Bostock called the abuse hotline, her son tightened a seat belt around her neck while she was driving, she said. Her vision blurred and the car rolled to a stop. Bostock said she didn't recognize the action as an attempt on her life until further conversations with him.

She said he also tried to hurt her daughters, an adopted 10-year-old and a 13-year-old she gave birth to before adopting the others. All that said, Bostock never wanted to relinquish custody.

"I'm his mom and I will love him forever," she said.

But she couldn't keep him at home without risking her family's safety. And she couldn't afford the full-time treatment she felt he needed.

"I don't want my son to come out as some sort of villain," she said late Monday. "He was born into this more than anything else. I want to make sure he gets what he needs. ... He's a hurt child - that's one of the best descriptions I've ever heard."

Bostock said she still feels raw about her family's loss.

She considered keeping her struggle to herself for a while longer. It's hard to talk about it without getting emotional. But when she learned Sunday night that the Senate committee was meeting in Tampa on Monday, she couldn't ignore the call.

"I thought, I have to do this, even if I'm not ready."

Rebecca Catalanello can be reached at rcatalanello@sptimes.com or 813 226-3383.

[Last modified October 23, 2007, 07:51:36]

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