Guest Column

Reality, not pledges, will help promote abstinence

By C.D. Chamberlain
Published October 26, 2007

Re: Parents are all for abstinence in teens Oct. 21 column by Andrew Skerritt

I guess Skerritt's children are growing and he is concerned about what happens next.

There is a story about a pious matron who was standing near the door of a church. She observed an adolescent boy break into a motorcar and steal some items. A police officer happened by during the theft and collared the young chap. As the youth was being led away, the matron said, "Son, why don't you come into the church and learn what is right"?

The boy responded, "Lady, I already know what is right."

Yes, there is value in abstinence education. There is data to support the claim that this kind of education, especially the kind where youth take a virginity pledge, does delay sexual activity - by about six months.

So, we have to ask, what factors contribute to human sexual activity? The first is simply libido. Sex feels good and when the pleasurable sensations are cultivated by both endogenous and exogenous factors there is motivation to increase pleasure. There are persons with low libido and high libido. Sexual behavior often is related to where a person sits on the libido continuum.

Second, there is the reality of emotional attachment to another human. Young people really do feel love for various partners. We like to say that adult love is more intense, etc., but I think there is scant evidence that a 30-year-old has stronger feelings than a 15-year-old.

Third, there is the matter of opportunity. This may sound fatalistic, but I believe it is a valid observation. Assuming a young person has a reasonably functioning libido, and assuming he or she also has strong feelings for a partner, the controlling factor is opportunity. This seems to be the strongest determinant in behavior.

Circumstances collide

Again, the data demonstrate that most youths have their first sexual intercourse in their parents' house. The hormones rage, they love their partner, and they have time and opportunity for a sexual encounter. When all three factors combine, young people eventually will have sex.

This is not to say that youths will have sex at the first opportunity, but if the opportunity exists on an ongoing, almost continuous basis, and if the other two factors are in place, they will engage in sex. Ironically, the youths who have religious scruples are more likely to get pregnant than other youths. The reason for this is simple: If having sex is wrong, then one cannot commit a presumptuous sin. Youths cannot decide that because they are going to have sex after three months of dating, they need to visit Planned Parenthood; it is easier to claim they simply got carried away and went too far. Christian faith teaches them, unfortunately, that forgiveness is more easily obtained than permission. They cannot give themselves permission to have sex, so they sin and ask God to forgive them. Mother Nature is less forgiving than God.

Age is a factor

The other factor we need to consider is the number of years between sexual development and acceptable marriage age. How many years can we realistically expect young people to live chaste lives? We know that in many traditional societies, girls are betrothed at about 9 and at menarche are married. This means that as soon as they arrive at the age where hormones begin to surge they are married. This is the normative means for maintaining chastity. Our children today are reaching sexual maturity at younger ages and at the same time marriage is postponed. At a minimum, we are looking at 10 to 15 years between puberty and marriage.

Look at what is happening. Youths get out of middle school around 2 p.m. Both parents work and do not return home until 5 or 6 p.m. This means that five days a week, children who are past puberty and have a close friend have hours at home to be in each other's company. I submit that 13-year-olds do not spend hours discussing Proust.

I am suggesting that the only way to reduce sexual activity is to control opportunity. If the school day were longer - say, children were at school under adult supervision until 5 p.m. each day - this would reduce the amount of time they had for sexual experimentation. If children are supervised and are not permitted to be alone with others without adult interruption, this would reduce the opportunity.

This gets youths up to college age. At that time, there needs to be serious conversations about managing sex. Let's face it; as long as any of us live, inappropriate sex is always available. So every person needs to learn how to control and manage sex for spiritual and physical reasons. Regardless of marital status, young adults must practice birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancies. This is something we all must learn to manage, from 14 to 55. It has to be managed the same way we manage overeating, exercise, going to work and getting an education. All of these factors must be balanced and managed. It is obvious some people do not manage very well and experience unfortunate outcomes for being irresponsible.

Sex is like anything else in life. Moral behavior means accepting the responsibility for the possible outcome of any activity. Immoral conduct is when one does not, or cannot, accept the outcome of one's actions. Teaching what responsible management means for as long as one lives is what moral education is about.

So, providing birth control to children when we have probable cause to believe they are, or will be, sexually active is more moral than doing nothing. The New England middle school that provided girls birth control had five girls who got pregnant! Obviously, telling the 13-year-old girls not to have sex did not prevent pregnancy. Because the methods in place have not been effective, is it moral not to implement measures that would prevent an unsatisfactory outcome?

Socioeconomic factors

There is another matter we never want to discuss: The surest indicator for childhood sexual activity is the wealth and education of the parents. Poor parents work more hours and thus provide less supervision. Middle-class families deal with teenage pregnancy with an abortion. The abortion rate among Roman Catholics is slightly higher than Protestants. So much for religion making a difference. For some poor girls who have nothing, having a baby is the one thing that gives them status. They dream their baby will love them unconditionally, so getting pregnant is something they want.

So, here is the reality. If you keep your child in school and they are involved in afterschool activities so that they cannot be home alone, you probably can reduce the likelihood of your children becoming sexually active until they are adults. By the time they are 19, about 90 percent will have become sexually active. I can only assume that the 10 percent who are not sexually active have low libido, are unable to attract a partner or simply lie about being sexually active. Because that is the reality, we need to talk with our kids from a reality-based perspective rather than a commitment to an ideal that was more observed in the breach than in reality in yesteryear.

My grandmother married at 16, my mother at 19 and my oldest daughter was 33. Yes, the older generation may have been virgins when they married, but they also were very young. We cannot have nature creating younger puberty and society demanding delayed marriage without something breaking in between.

C.D. Chamberlain lives in Spring Hill. He is a retired Methodist minister. Guest columnists write their own opinions on subjects they choose, which do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.

[Last modified October 26, 2007, 07:18:14]