Print

Email story

Comment

Letter to the editor

First loss, then love, but in the end, despair

She kept busy, spent time with friends and her fiance, tried nursing. But it wasn't enough.

By STEPHANIE HAYES, Times Staff Writer
Published October 28, 2007

ADVERTISEMENT Sara Jane Newman went through depression after the loss of her grandmother, but she found comfort with her fiance and her friends. [Family photos]

ST. PETERSBURG - Sara Jane Newman didn't want to be alone.

She surrounded herself with dozens of friends and kept busy constantly. But when life hiccuped and her constants disappeared, things unraveled.

"It was like a freight train," said her fiance, Jeff Wright.

* * *

She always had a different hairstyle - short and platinum, long and brown, red with blunt bangs. She liked punk music and watched the Smashing Pumpkins in concert.

As a teen, she picked out names for her would-be babies - Juniper and Elijah Blue. She loved Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.

Her father left when she was a baby, said her sister, Daphne Hedberg. At age 10, her mother died.

The death split the family, and Sara went to live with her grandmother. When Ms. Newman was 18, her grandmother died of lung cancer. It crushed her.

Her roommate, Carrie Bartel, always tried to cheer her up. They fed ducks at Crescent Lake. They drank coffee at midnight and dreamed of their futures.

But depression had set in. Her grandmother was gone.

She wondered, who would come to her high school graduation?

* * *

Ten years ago, she reunited with her siblings. She and her sister became close and spent every Friday night together.

"I kind of felt like a second mother to her," said Hedberg, 36.

Then, love happened.

She and Wright worked together at an insurance company. They got in trouble for e-mailing so much at work.

One day, she sent him a note. Could they hang out and play video games together?

"That's pretty much when she took my heart," said Wright, 31.

They stayed up late playing computer games. They rode Jet Skis. Once, when Wright went too fast, "she screamed like a drunk sailor trying to get me to slow down."

They explored church together.

"I want to believe," she told Wright one night in bed. "I have such a hard time understanding. I pray every night."

* * *

She was ready to try something new - nursing school.

She quit work and went off antidepressants because her insurance was ending. Wright said she felt clearheaded for the first time in a while.

But nursing school was not what she expected. The work was intense, and she felt overwhelmed by the notion of having someone's life in her hands.

She dropped out. Home and bored, her depression worsened. She got a new job, but was unhappy there, said her family.

She made an appointment to get back on medication, but she never made it.

* * *

Ms. Newman's MySpace page described her mood as "sleepy."

"I think she wanted to sleep and sleep forever," Bartel said.

She took pills and drank, her family said. It was too much. She died Oct. 20. She was 30.

Stephanie Hayes can be reached at shayes@sptimes.com or 727 893-8857.

BIOGRAPHY

Sara Jane Newman

Born: April 4, 1977.

Died: Oct. 20, 2007.

Survivors: sister, Daphne; brothers, Sean and Adam; fiance, Jeff Wright.

Hotline

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a free and confidential service available 24 hours a day, 1-800-273-8255.

[Last modified October 27, 2007, 22:53:06]