The art of new-car negotiation

By Gene Weingarten, Washington Post
Published November 4, 2007

WASHINGTON - I used to think there was nothing more fun and rewarding than harassing customer service representatives. What a fool I was. Harassing car salesmen is a lot sweeter.

A Mazda dealership

Me: I'm looking for a car that's good for making out in. Do you have one of those?

Awad: What do you mean, making out?

Me: You know, with my girlfriend.

Awad: Ha-ha.

Me:

Awad: What's the big deal about making out in a car? Don't you have a house or a hotel?

Me: So, are you saying I don't need to buy a car from you?

Awad: No, I'm not! The Mazda6, the Tribute, the CX-7 and the CX-9 all have big back seats. You really need to come in and see them.

Me: Great! I'll bring my girlfriend. Can we try 'em out in the showroom?

Awad: This is a very unusual request. We are a family-oriented business.

Me: It's like a test drive!

Awad: Listen, you know, there are other reasons to buy a car, not just the size of the back seat.

Me: There are?

Awad: Yes, our cars have other advantages: safety, performance, the way they look and handle.

Me: People care about that stuff?

Awad:

Me: Maybe what I need is a Hummer.

Awad: I think, maybe, yes.

A Honda dealership

Me: Sometimes I have to drop my associates off at a place of business and wait around, and when they get back into the car, I have to get out of there real fast. Which of your models would be best for that?

Philip: How fast is real fast?

Me: Gotta lay a patch.

Philip: The Civic Si or the Accord V6 would fit your needs.

Me: So, they have good acceleration?

Philip: Oh, yeah. And horsepower. You got 197 horses in the Si, and 268 on the V6.

Me: Okay, good. Do you offer really dark-tinted windows so no one can get a good look inside?

Philip: No, in this state there's a legal issue with tinted windshields.

Me: We don't want to bring the law into this!

Philip: Okay.

Me: You offer undercoating?

Philip: Yeah.

Me: How about bulletproofing?

An Acura dealership

Me: I have cash and am not going to quibble over price. But I want the upholstery to be big orange polka dots.

Marvin: Sir, we sell the cars as is.

Me: There are no choices?

Marvin: Well, not polka dots.

Me: I guess I'll go elsewhere, then.

Marvin: We have nice interiors!

Me: Okay, what are the choices for your top-of-the-line sedan?

Marvin: The RL interior comes in parchment, taupe and ebony.

Me: You know, taupe upholstery sounds good. Can I come right in today and buy it?

Marvin: Sure! Let me get your . . .

Me: I just need to make sure the taupe fabric is made from silk extruded from "Bombyx mandarina," the endangered wild Chinese silkworm.

A Chevrolet dealership

Me: I'm going to be buying my first car. And I've always wanted a Chevrolet, ever since my father had a 1965 Chevy Mustang. He loved that car. He died and left me some money, and I'm going to plunk it down on a car. Do you have anything as good as the '65 Chevy Mustang was? I'll buy it today.

Lynne: What do you think of Corvettes?

Me: Sure. I always promised my father that I was going to stick with the company that made that great car of his, the Chevy Mustang.

Lynne: Well, I'm glad to see you keeping up loyalty on that end. Can you come in today?

Me: Which car is the same size as the Chevy Mustang?

Lynne: You may want to go with the Malibu.

Me: Okay, great! I'll be right in. Thank you for honoring the memory of my deceased father. Hey, Chevy doesn't still make the Mustang itself, does it?

Lynne:

Me:

Lynne: Listen, the Mustang was a Ford.

Me: I bet that was hard for you to say, wasn't it?

Lynne: It could have slipped my mind.

Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is weingarten@washpost.com. Chat with him online at noon on Tuesdays at www.washingtonpost.com.

[Last modified November 2, 2007, 14:25:50]