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Letter to the editor

At age 38, he couldn't find a good time to depart

By STEPHANIE HAYES, Times Staff Writer
Published November 10, 2007

GULFPORT - There's no good time for it, his family told him.

But John Baker didn't want to die around Christmas, or around his birthday. He didn't want to die in the spring, because he loved the flowers so much.

This month, the family put up his favorite Christmas tree. Then, four days later, they took it down and surrounded his bed with springtime blooms.

"We wanted him to feel like the seasons had passed," said his partner, George Allen.

On Wednesday, John died. He was 38.

* * *

From age 4, he separated everything into cubbyholes - God forbid his mother moved anything. At 9, he moved into the basement because he couldn't stand his brother's clutter.

In high school, he excelled in clubs and debates. To get out of chores, he'd challenge his parents.

"John would debate it until we finally realized, this kid is right," said his mother, Linda Hunter.

John graduated from nursing school and eventually became director at an assisted living facility. He started an Alzheimer's support group. He had a knack for dealing with patients, especially older women.

"My name is John Baker," he'd say, "and I'll be your date for this evening."

He loved crystal, antique furniture and impressionist paintings. He obsessed over his light brown, highlighted hair, and he always had a tan.

John and George, 51, loved to host lavish parties in their Gulfport home. A Kentucky Derby event featured a hat contest, rose garland, mint juleps and a champagne fountain.

He wasn't technical, but he loved a challenge, so he started studying computers. He got a job developing software for hospitals, his family said.

In February, he was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Though weak, he attended his graduation from Remington College. He made a short speech, telling others not to give up.

Back home in pain, he reflected - it was good his brother went quickly.

* * *

Randy Baker was 35 when a car hit his bicycle in late 2005. He died.

John was only 13 months older than his brother. As a kid, he helped Randy read and study. He showed Randy how to leave in case of a fire. Their parents found Randy on the roof.

The brothers were inseparable.

John adored Christmas. He had 57 tubs of decorations in the attic - he counted - and a tree for every room.

So when his brother died, he made a special tree with Randy's pictures and the ribbon from a funeral flower arrangement.

The same tree the family put at John's bedside this month, before they brought in spring.

Stephanie Hayes can be reached at shayes@sptimes.com or 727 893-8857.

Biography

John Baker

Born: Feb. 5, 1969.

Died: Nov. 7, 2007.

Survivors: mother and stepfather, Linda and Walter Hunter; father and stepmother, Louis and Robin Baker; partner, George Allen; grandmother, Elaine Andersen; grandfather and grandmother, Armand and Peg Bartlett; aunts, uncles and cousins. Predeceased by brother, Randy Armand Baker.

[Last modified November 9, 2007, 20:22:32]