Guest Column

Generosity outshines poverty

By DARCY MANESS
Published November 19, 2007

This is the season for reminders of what we don't have, what we can't spend and what won't be on the holiday table. Sad as it seems, this is reality to a large portion of the country during the Thanksgiving and Christmas season; poverty never seems so real until the world celebrates without you.

I have always been successful in my career and the money that came with it. I have always been an advocate of giving all year long; nice business clothes, household wares, you name it. When I had outgrown my need for the things I just had to have, I passed them on and replaced them with something else. I rarely have garage sales because I feel as if I can't reach the real people in need if I sell what I've been blessed to possess.

Recently, I've become the person in need, the person with an empty pantry and am wont for the simplest of things: garbage bags to cart my trash; deodorant to start the day off fresh; and what I wouldn't give for a Coke on ice! I am without a job for the first time in my adult life, and there doesn't seem to be one on the horizon. I'm scared and on top of it all, I am raising my 13-year-old granddaughter, whose needs and wants are beyond my financial control at the moment. I'm not including her orthodontist bill or her eye checkups - these are things she needs, not wants.

I'm not that proud of a woman. I know that it takes asking to receive. I've experienced hard times in the past, but all were so temporary. Now, it seems the longer I go without employment, the darker my future seems to me. Every morning I wake up thinking this is the day I get a job. But every day I hear the same thing: You're overqualified.

I have become a statistic. I am slowly realizing that this season I'm going to be signing up for church-giving baskets and relying on others for my basic needs, like shampoo and dish detergent. I am no longer self-sufficient and I am learning a tremendous lesson this season: how to ask for help.

I swallowed my fractured pride, sat up straight and prepared to dial the phone and ask complete strangers for food. I started by calling a couple of churches that were recommended to me. The first stated their pantry was closed until after Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving! What's the point? The second, in Hernando County, seemed to be bothered with me. The woman on the phone said I could come in and they would give me a box of cereal and a few canned goods. I felt so belittled.

And you can't reply, "Don't stress it sister, I'm sorry I bothered you." Because I have to bother her; either her or another organization has to be bothered by me.

All I wanted was some groceries that are there for people in my position. Don't these people realize how hard it is to ask for food? I wasn't even concerned with a Thanksgiving meal; I was focusing on meals until Thanksgiving. What a curse to have to ask for help! Doesn't this woman realize that I worked for a living until recently? Doesn't she know I've been pounding the pavement for employment? I'm not trying to live off the generosity of others; I'm taking a chance by reaching out for help, just for the moment.

My neighbor is a pastor, and his wife is a retired caregiver. They are the recipients of my materials I box up twice a year when I clean out my closet or rearrange my home and they pass them out at their church. I have never forgotten what it's like to want and I have always appreciated the hard work it takes to get where I am today.

The other day, I stopped at my neighbor's house upon her request, and she handed me a German chocolate cake. Feeling a little awkward but knowing receiving is a blessing to the giver, and not wanting to take that blessing away from her, I took the cake. Then she told me they were getting two turkeys from her husband's work, and that they had decided to give us the extra turkey.

Her generosity melted me; I surrendered to the helplessness I've bottled up for months now. Unable to gain control over my emotions, the tears started and I felt so blessed to be on the receiving end of those more fortunate than me. And that is my place right now: to be less fortunate for a change and to receive the blessings from those I've given to in the past.

Since then, my neighbors have given us a few boxes of canned goods and a few frozen foods as well. And you know what? It's a wonderful thing to see how the people still have the desire to help their neighbors. As for the lady at the church? For all I know, she could have been having her own issues, and I just happened to be the caller on the end of her grief. I'm glad it was me and not someone else a little more desperate than me; my shoulders are still broad.

Living off the generosity of others? I think it's a blessing; either in disguise or out there for the eye to see, human beings are still a giving breed. All we have to do is ask. And I, myself, have learned to ask.

Darcy Maness, a sales representative and freelance writer, lives in the Leisure Hills area of Spring Hill. Guest columnists write their own views on subjects they choose, which do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.

[Last modified November 18, 2007, 20:02:33]