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Letter to the editor

Don't face holidays without a sound plan

By MARLENE SOKOL, Editor
Published November 30, 2007

I'm going to be thankful all season to the relative who just procured that it-toy for our children, thus freeing me up to dispense holiday advice. Here goes:

1. Apples. Eat plenty of them. They never go out of style. I'm an idiot about nutrition, but these are my weapon of choice in this sugar-plum season.

2. Extreme sports. Afraid you'll hurt yourself skating or running or playing football in this nice, cool weather? I thought so until Mom broke her shoulder walking into the kitchen to see if Dad had cleaned it properly. Slippery floor, I guess. Just goes to show you never know. So get out there and do something stupid.

3. Catering. That's how Mom managed Thanksgiving.

4. Credit card come-ons. Avoid them. You know you won't pay that balance by June 2008. You're just as likely to miss a payment and land in the 29.99 percent zone.

5. School holiday concerts. Don't think you know all the dates. Teachers don't respect your time, and your kids think you're furniture. So charge up that camcorder now!

6. Online shopping. Do it yourself, don't trust your kid. Better to blame yourself for extra shipping charges when you get sheet music for violin instead of the piano, not the young prodigy.

7. Cook extra. Nobody seems to mind that my house is the filthiest on the block. They send their kids to me anyway, and it's no fun running out of stuff.

8. The idiots. Any second now, somebody will get insulted because a store clerk said, "happy holidays," or a government official said, "Merry Christmas," and the whole thing will degenerate into a tedious debate about whether we live in a Christian nation, when all I want to do is watch The Nutcracker and buy something to wear on New Year's

Eve. For your own sanity, find a way to filter out the noise from those perennial arguments.

9. Cards? Or letters? If your holiday letter says you got a divorce, it's probably redundant (I once opened three of those in one day). Personally, I think cards look prettier on the wall.

10. Perfect life syndrome. It's hard to approach the holidays without taking stock in your existence and coming up short.

Nobody's life is a Publix commercial, and it might seem like this is all job protection for the mental health industry. Remember, you are not alone. Breathe in. Breathe out. Laugh at "The Singing Dogs." Find your source of joy, wherever that is.

Even if it's deliberately offending someone by wishing them a "happy holiday."

[Last modified November 30, 2007, 09:22:29]