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Abuse's effects widespread

A quadruple murder draws attention to domestic violence and shelters.

By MIKE DONILA, Times Staff Writer
Published December 17, 2007

Oliver Thomas Bernsdorff had a lot of the signs.

The 36-year-old Clearwater man threatened to kill his ex-wife and their two children; he had beaten her before, friends and those close to the couple say. He was emotionally controlling, and faced financial problems.

In the end his two children - ages 2 and 4 - his ex-wife and her partner are dead, fatally shot Friday morning. Police say Bernsdorff, who apparently shot himself, is the prime suspect.

Those who work in shelters for battered women say one in four families experiences some form of domestic violence.

"It affects everyone, every day and just about everyone you talk to will know someone who's been a victim," said Lisa Matzner, director of development for Religious Community Services, which includes the Haven RCS domestic violence center in Clearwater.

Agencies like the nonprofit Haven use seminars and educational classes to combat domestic violence. And they offer shelter. In the end, they hope victims are able to make the best decisions possible, Matzner said.

"We give them the knowledge and the power to make the right choice for them at the time," she said. "Then it's up to them."

Matzner spoke with the St. Petersburg Times Sunday about domestic violence:

How prevalent is it?

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury in the country to women ages 15 to 49. That's more than car accidents, muggings, stranger rapes all combined. ... We had over 17,000 individuals in 2006 come through the Haven. We have a 34-bed shelter for women and 14 transitional living apartments and they're usually full.

At what point in the relationship does someone who feels abused typically call?

It really varies, but people calling the hotline or looking for emergency shelter are usually women or women with children who are in a crisis. A lot of women do call hesitantly. They're not sure if they're abused, but something doesn't feel right to them in the relationship. You don't have to be beaten daily to be an abused woman in this country. Maybe you only get hit once and it won't happen again. But that threat is there; maybe all he has to do is give you that look.

What is domestic violence?

We consider domestic violence any type of power and control in a relationship, so we focus on the mental, emotional, financial and sexual abuse. Power and control are big issues from a masculinity standpoint; most people don't consider these female issues, so that's mostly why the majority is male against female, although it does happen the other way around. ... We try to teach that power and control does not equal masculinity.

What are some signs of domestic violence?

We do notice that most domestic violence doesn't happen on a first date. But the warning signs? Over-jealousy, if he wants to get serious really fast; does he say "I love you" on a second date - these are danger signs but young people find it flattering. ... Is he disrespectful to animals and pets, does he have a really strong gender role that the man needs to be king of the castle? Does he abuse drugs or alcohol? Is he somebody who won't allow a woman to work or forces one to work too often? ... Is he disrespectful to a woman's spiritual beliefs? Is he overly protective, does he say he doesn't want you talking to your friends or that your family doesn't treat you right? Once you're isolated, you're much more prone to being abused because there's less support around you.

What happens when someone calls the Haven?

The first thing we ask is if they're safe and if they need to call 911 or if we should call for them. ... We'll either have the Clearwater police pick up the woman or have her drive to the police station and then taken to the shelter. Then it's case by case. We never tell a woman what to do, we only empower her with information so she can make a healthy choice by herself. ... We will also offer legal advocacy. And all of this is free.

Fast facts

Need help?

- The Haven of RCS domestic violence hotline: (727)442-4128.

- To schedule prevention or educational classes: (727) 441-2029.

- For more information, visit www.rcspinellas.org.

[Last modified December 16, 2007, 23:25:02]