Don we now our sunshine carols

By HOWARD TROXLER, Times Columnist
Published December 25, 2007

---

GOOD KING PETERSBURG

Good King Pet-ers-burg looked out, on the feast of Stephen,

Saw the poor all scattered 'bout, their presence most aggrievin'.

"Hither, page," he cried right out, "don't say 'twas me who bid thee,

"Now send the cops to homeless town and cut down their tent ci-i-ty."

 

CHARLIE'S WONDERLAND

Like a rock, insurance prem-iums, drop un-til we barely see 'em,

With our burdens so light, and our taxes just right,

We're livin' life in Charlie's Wonderland.

In the spring we'll have a special session to outlaw hur-ri-canes (and see, it worked!)

Take a supermodel to confession, then hang out with the Donald for dessert!

He's so green, his roof is solar, no culture war, no ayatollah,

He skirts across the thin ice, thinking veep would be nice,

Living life in Charlie's Wonderland.

 

DECK THE STATE INVESTMENT POOL

Deck the state investment pool with worthless paper,

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-HA!

Wall Street does us rubes a favor, (ha ha, etc.)

Grade-Z debt now much de-plored, (ha ha, etc.)

Lehman puts Jeb on its board (ha ha, etc.).

 

THEY CAME UPON A WETLANDS CLEAR

They came upon a wetlands clear, in Hillsborough County one day,

And reg-u-la-tors of county hire for pro-tec-tion of it did pray.

"You fools!'" cried angry co-mis-sion-ers, "for asphalt and condos are best!"

And so, they gutted the rules henceforth, at their monied buddies' request.

 

AWAY IN A SECRET ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT AGREEMENT

Away in a secret economic development agreement,

A new stad-i-um planned,

No need to let folks know

The truth be-fore-hand,

Pretend-ing that vo-ters have any real say

While se-crets they're keeping in St. Pete to-day.

 

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A CREATIONIST

Grandma got run over by a creationist, coming home from science class on Christmas Eve,

You can claim we somehow came from monkeys, but that's not what me and the majority of the Pinellas School Board now believe.

 

THE DEMOCRATS ARE NOT COMING TO TOWN

You'd better not ask, you'd better not pry,

They won't say a word, and here's telling you why,

The Democrats are not coming to town.

They know they'll take our money, they'll sneak down here for cash,

But not a word of pol-i-cy,

'Cause they fear New Hampshire's lash! Oh!

Republicans now, all over the place,

Don't give a dang about delegate space

But the Democrats aren't coming to town.