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Luckily, no media frenzy erupted

By HOWARD TROXLER
Published December 27, 2007

The (mostly fake) news of 2007 in review, Part I:

Jan. 20: St. Petersburg police slash tents that had been donated to the homeless. In related news, those who hath two cloaks decide to keep them both.

Jan. 29: Legislature votes to ask insurance companies "pretty please with sugar on top" to cut rates.

Feb. 2: Personal savings rate in U.S. is at the lowest rate since the 1930s. "It's a good thing that the mortgage market is so stable," experts say.

Feb. 6: The nation acquires Too Much Information about astronaut diapers.

Feb. 13:An investigation into Florida State Prison discovers 24 copies of Lethal Injections for Dummies.

Feb. 15: A Pinellas girl gets the hiccups. Fortunately, no media frenzy erupts.

Feb. 17:Rare fossils discovered by Pinellas student. School Board declares them to be 5,700 years old.

Feb. 22:Largo city manager plans sex change. Fortunately, no media frenzy erupts.

March 3: Mother storms onto school bus to make daughter fight. Three networks offer reality TV shows.

March 10: Several more restaurants cited in growing gefilte fish scandal.

March 14: Penny for Pinellas sales tax wins approval in an election. Several thousand voters treated for twisted arms.

March 14: Pinellas drops plan for pumping the Brooker Creek Nature Preserve to irrigate a golf course. Retains plan to pump nature preserve "just for the heck of it."

March 21: Hillsborough Elections Supervisor Buddy Johnson announces new citizen-participation game, "Precinct Hide-and-Seek."

April 27: Two bored USF students putting dry ice and water in plastic soda bottles are arrested on explosives charges. Osama still at large.

April 30:Former American Idol contestant Jessica Sierra arrested in Tampa after bar incident. Fortunately, no media frenzy ... oh, never mind.

May 4:Florida Legislature votes to hold 2012 presidential primary in 2008.

May 13:St. Petersburg Times honors Mother's Day in traditional fashion with big article about Susan Stanton. Grateful readers shower newspaper with praise.

May 25: Embarrassing FCAT scoring error occurs when the state hires $5.15-an-hour unqualified graders instead of the customary $10-an-hour unqualified graders.

May 29: Skyway to get $4-million paint job. Contractors promise to be finished in "two weeks," then disappear.

June 1: In a new efficiency measure, the city of St. Petersburg announces that the same guy who cites you for water violations will cite you for having a brown lawn.

June 15:Lou Pearlman is arrested in Indonesia on charges of producing obnoxious boy bands for all those years.

June 15: State universities plan enrollment caps and other cuts, but they promise that athletic scandals won't be scaled back.

June 22:Hillsborough commissioners vote to eliminate the middleman, start paving wetlands with county equipment.

June 30: iPhones go on sale with special "I'm A First-Day Sucker" Apple stickers.

Coming in Part II: Entire Florida Panhandle paved for airport. Capt. Jack Sparrow seizes the Odyssey. Fun land deals in Pinellas. State investments with "Three-Fingers Vinny." And more.

[Last modified December 27, 2007, 00:16:58]