Guest Column

A retirement nightmare; it must mean something

By MARC J. YACHT
Published December 27, 2007

Almost a year into retirement my decision to hit the ground running and stay busy has served me well. Activities include mentoring a child at a local school, volunteering at the CARES senior clinic, and remaining active on several boards. The boat club, hiking, revisiting my acting skills on stage, and of course my editorials, other writings, letters to the editor, and photography.

Yet, the treadmill is slowing down. For retirement, like marriage, requires adjustments. Though one fact remains clear, there is no money in retirement. My occasional thoughts of job hunting pass when conjuring up bosses, deadlines and a work schedule. I enjoy thoroughly being the master of my day. Well, almost in charge. My wife, Helen, rarely leaves the house without providing a list of chores.

Sadly, our planned trip has yet to materialize and with two offspring still in college, and money scarce, it appears a trip is not currently within our grasp. Once, someone told me that if a planned vacation was postponed for any reason, it is probable the trip would never occur. Looking back I can say that canceled trips never were rescheduled and excuses for delays and cancellations tend to be of lesser importance with each aborted plan. Perhaps my subconscious personal demon tells me to stay put.

In a recent dream I found myself standing at the center of a busy intersection wearing only my boxer shorts. Noisy traffic whirled around me and pedestrians were running to their destinations oblivious to my embarrassment. There were street signs everywhere and arrows with mileage markers pointing in many directions; so many miles to here and so many miles to there.

I just stood frozen unable to decide where to go. Suddenly I sensed tugging and pushing. I woke up, sweating profusely; Helen had been shaking me and asked if I was all right, she said I kept shouting names of places. She had heard Nepal , Bora Bora, and Philadelphia , but others were unintelligible.

The nightmare shook me to the core and I spent the better part of the day trying to understand its meaning. Dream interpretation always fascinated me and when I was younger I used to write them down. Dreams fade quickly from memory so I kept a pencil and note pad at the bedside. I haven't done that for many years but the dream I just described was so intense I suspect I will remember it to the grave.

I concluded the dream suggested that I should better organize my life. Dreams of being seen in your underwear suggest insecurity and vulnerability. Looking at signs pointing in different directions and not knowing where to go is self explanatory. Considering the time of the year, resolutions were in order. The last time I made resolutions none of them were accomplished. However, I did do a number of things that I had not promised myself I would do. I concluded there was more success in doing the things not on a list.

This dream, though, required a written plan in the form of resolutions. Usually the most important concerns will surface first. Well, I kept seeing visions of winged dollar bills flying off to my children.

Resolution No. 1: We cannot afford our children anymore, they are on their own.

I looked about for Helen. I know if she saw what I had written she would hit me on the head with a frying pan. I still had lumps from the last whack. I quickly destroyed that one.

Resolution No. 1: I will cut up all credit cards. We cannot afford them.

Well, how will I fill up the tank or have dinner out once in awhile? How will I shop? Besides, when I use a credit card, I delay payment for 30 days.

I quickly tore that one up, awaiting another idea.

Resolution No. 1: We are going to pack our things, sell everything, and move to Portugal. It's a cheap place to live.

But I don't know anybody in Portugal and I don't even speak the language. Besides, with the dollar reaching new lows Portugal may not be so cheap. I discarded that thought.

Resolution No. 1: Food is entirely too expensive. I need to lose weight anyway so I will stop eating. If I stop eating I can save a lot of money.

The other day I paid over $1.25 for a single pear. One orange cost 60 cents. Milk, a couple of pork chops, and vegetables ran a bill to $38. At a restaurant the other day, my tip was more than my whole meal a few years ago. Worse than that, the waitress wasn't happy.

Giving up food could have serious consequences; I'll table that one (literally).

Resolution No. 1: Maybe I'll go look for a job. I'm still healthy, reasonably good looking, have a great personality, and I am sure there must be some work for an over-the-hill doctor.

I thought about that and realized I was making no progress at all with my resolutions. As a nightmare got me into this mess, I would go back to sleep and have a dream that will offer a solution.

Marc J. Yacht, retired director of the Pasco County Health Department, lives in Hudson.

[Last modified December 26, 2007, 20:55:00]