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Dad prepares for son to make his own way

By ANDREW SKERRITT
Published January 4, 2008

The new year brings its share of big decisions, like picking a new president, deciding yes or no on that convoluted constitutional referendum.

But my biggest challenges are those much closer to my heart. My son, the high school senior, turns 18. Ready or not, it's time for manhood.

Have I done enough to prepare him for the world? Where is he headed for college? Does he even want to go college? Those adventure-selling Army and Marine Corps brochures weren't addressed to me.

Whatever he decides, he'll have a lot to learn once he leaves home. He knows how to wash his clothes, but he hasn't practiced much in the kitchen. He works part time, but can he balance his checkbook? He knows how to drive, but it's going to be tough paying for car insurance. His middle-class upbringing could collide with his working-class reality.

But more importantly, this is where all his decisions really begin to count for good or bad. As parents, we must always be helpful, but Dad can't bail him out every time he messes up. Some decisions can't be unmade without an awful lot of work.

So much can go wrong at this intersection of childhood and adulthood. It makes me admire those who raise successful sons or daughters - kids who leave home, stand on their own feet and live normal, functioning lives. You remember how much you took success for granted when your kids were younger?

There is no standard script for success. I excelled in high school but spent a few years climbing telephone poles and toiling in a government tax office before heading off to college in my 20s. Money and opportunity stood in my way two decades ago. My son can't make the same excuses. He grew up in America; I didn't.

I discovered my life passion after someone asked me to write for the local weekly newspaper. I badly want my son to discover a similar passion so working will always be more than just earning a living. There's no gift like going to work and believing that something exciting can happen every day, that you might change even a small slice of the world.

So as my son and I head down this final stretch, I hope I and my wife have laid the groundwork and the efforts will pay off. It's too late for a do-over. Still, I'll have to fight the urge to hold his hand, to offer unsolicited advice. It will be harder to keep quiet than to speak up. The secret is finding the right balance.

I'll keep you posted.

Andrew Skerritt can be reached at askerritt@sptimes.com or (813) 909-4602 or 1-800-333-7505, ext. 4602.

[Last modified January 3, 2008, 19:48:34]