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Letter to the editor

A grandmother's challenge

By DEMORRIS A. LEE, Times Staff Writer
Published January 6, 2008

Arnetta Hurst, 57, winces as pain shoots through her head. The pain is a frequent occurrence, which she attributes to stress. Hurst is raising six of her grandchildren, who range from 3 to 17. The children's mothers are battling drug addictions.
	[Douglas R. Clifford | Times]

ADVERTISEMENT [Douglas R. Clifford | Times] Jermane Davis, 4, traps his cousin Kentrail Smith, 8, center, while playing recently at their grandmother Arnetta Hurst's home in Clearwater. At right is Kentrail's sister Sherell Adams, 15. [Douglas R. Clifford | Times] Hurst with two of her grandchildren, James Hurst, 3, and Kentrail Smith, 8, at her Clearwater home of two months after moving from Fort Pierce.

CLEARWATER

Weariness is etched in the lines around Arnetta Hurst's eyes, which fill with tears when she talks about her efforts to keep the children together.  The 57-year-old grandmother doesn't have time to be tired or sad. She has children to raise. Hurst has legal custody of six of her grandchildren, who range in age from 3 to 17. While her seven children are grown and out of the house, she now has a whole new set of concerns.

She's worried about finding a home big enough for seven. She's worried about having enough food and decent clothing. She's worried about whether she can pay this month's light bill.

"I never imagined I'd be raising grandkids," Hurst said. "I thought after my kids got grown, it was my time to enjoy life. It didn't work out like that."

***

Hurst is not alone in having to forfeit her golden years to care for her children's children. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of children who lived in a grandparent household increased 76 percent between 1970 and 1997, growing from 2.2-million to 3.9-million.

In 2000, more than 4.5-million children lived in households headed by a grandparent, census figures showed.

"Almost all of our programs serving families have seen more grandparents bringing grandchildren in," said Rhonda Miller Sheared, vice president of programs and development for Family Service Centers Inc. which provides counseling, education and home visitation programs for more than 22,000 people a year in Pinellas, Pasco and Hillsborough counties.

"One of the biggest reasons many of the grandparents have these children is because the parent themselves have either been incarcerated or succumb to some kind of drug addition and have lost custody," Sheared said. "Grandparents have stepped in to keep them from the childcare system."

That's the situation with Hurst, who has two daughters battling crack cocaine addictions. She has custody of her 30-year-old daughter's four children, who are ages 17 through 8. The youngest, Kentrail, was born more than four months premature and weighed 22 ounces.

"That's when they found drugs in her system," Hurst said of her daughter, who is now in a drug rehabilitation facility in Orlando.

Hurst also has custody of two of her 28-year-old daughter's six children, ages 3 and 4.

"I couldn't imagine them being raised in foster care, apart from one another," Hurst said, her eyes filling with tears. "I couldn't let that happen. I'm just trying to keep them together."

Two months ago, Hurst and the grandchildren packed all their clothes and moved to a house on Elderidge Street in Clearwater. Her sister, Arlene Echols has lived across the street since 1970.

The furniture they left behind in the three-bedroom apartment in Fort Pierce "wasn't worth bringing," Hurst said.

"It's been a blessing being here," she said. "I'm close to my sister and people who can help. But it's just so hard. It's hard."

***

A Pinellas County support group, Grandparents raising Grandchildren, tries to help grandparents cope with raising a second generation of children. The group, started 19 years ago by two grandparents in St. Petersburg, meets twice a month at James B. Sanderlin Family Center in St. Petersburg.

"They are not out there alone and not the only ones going through it," said Jacqueline Shields, 57, an 18-year support group member and now a facilitator who had custody of her three grandchildren.

"Some tend to be very private and not let everybody know but with sharing stories and lives, you realize, I'm not by myself," Shields said.

By going to the group, Shields said she learned not to blame herself.

"You raised your child to the best of your ability, and your child decides to go astray, it's hard to deal with," Shields said. "But I learned, it's not my fault."

***

Hurst is still struggling to keep it all together. Though the Elderidge home has plenty of room and a huge back yard for the children to run and play, she doesn't know how long she'll be able to stay. The house is a month-to-month rental because the owners want to sell it.

Hurst has taken an initial home-buying seminar through the Clearwater Neighborhood Housing Services Inc., an effort to put herself in a position to purchase a home.

"Hopefully, a miracle happens and she can buy it," Echols said.

But in addition to the children's health, Hurst has to deal with her own. Two years ago, cancer was found on her right lung. A portion of the lung was removed. She's also been diagnosed with Black lung disease and is on disability. Having to walk any distance causes Hurst to wheeze.

But the stress of raising young children is taking a toll, which concerns Echols.

"She's here with family and it's easier to help being close by," said Echols, who takes her sister to run errands everyday after work. Hurst doesn't have a car.

As Hurst sat on her back patio, the younger boys rode bikes donated to them during Christmas. Kentrail bounced a basketball while one of the older girls, 15-year-old Sherell, brought Hurst the day's mail.

There were two white envelopes. Hurst opened one - a notice that her food subsidy was reduced by $14.

"It's been so hard," she said, placing her face in her hands. "It's just so hard."

Demorris A. Lee can be reached at dalee@sptimes.com or 445-4174

IF YOU NEED HELP:

Childnet is available to first time parents, teen parents, single parents, custodial grandparents and any family with children ages 17 or younger who are experiencing stressful situations with parenting or home management services.

The program builds upon existing family strengths by developing new parenting and home-management skills as well as to access needed community resources. For more information go to www.familyservicecenters.org or call (727) 536-1817.

More information is available about local grandparent caregiver programs at www.agingcarefl.org/services/programs/grandparent.

[Last modified January 5, 2008, 21:13:12]