Don't get too close to the state horse
By HOWARD TROXLER, Times Columnist
Published January 6, 2008
You'll be delighted to know that our state Legislature, which convenes for its annual session on March 4, has decided not to pass any new laws this year.
No, wait! I am just funnin'.
As of Friday, our legislators already had filed 704 bills for the upcoming session. They'll file a lot more.
To start with the truly crucial stuff, Senate Bill 744 and House Bill 119 would make it a first-degree felony for a human to have, uh, improper contact with an animal. That is probably all that needs to be said about that.
Got one of those flags the size of a football field? You must be a real patriot. So SB 90 would make sure that no local government in Florida could prohibit the flying of a U.S. flag.
Yet if you fly a flag over your City Hall, you'd better be sure it's made in the good old U.S.A. - SB 852 would require all public flag purchases in Florida to be made from domestic producers.
Fed up with kids on cell phones? HB 193 says no one under 18 could talk on a cell phone while driving.
But don't get too smug, you grownups. Senate Bill 680 says that no one could talk on a cell phone while driving through a school zone.
Do you remember the "road rage" bill that required slower drivers in Florida to get out of the left lane? Our previous governor vetoed it, but the idea is back in SB 658.
I guess they failed last time to get anything done about this problem, so HB 335 would again try to outlaw the "indecent wearing of below-waist underwear."
Toy guns are a big problem as well, apparently. So SB 138 would make most of them illegal. No word on whether that includes kids pointing a finger and going, "Bang, bang!"
Elsewhere on the animal front, HB 131 would designate the "Florida cracker horse" as the official state horse.
Meanwhile, SB 964 and HB 305 would require anyone under 16 riding a horse on public property to wear a helmet. (Once they get older and buy a motorcycle, their brains are fair game.)
HB 101, dealing with dangerous dogs, would allow local governments to go back to singling out specific breeds. I nominate chihuahuas.
On other fronts, it would become illegal under SB 768 to display a noose in "an exhibit of any kind" if the purpose is to "intimidate."
Remember the scandal involving the Pinellas property appraiser? SB 512 and HB 127 would require an outside review of the assessments of each appraiser's own property.
The very first bill filed in the House, HB 1, again tries to compensate Alan Crotzer for his years of false imprisonment. Hope it passes.
If you see something in this list that you think is a particularly bad idea, it's too early to get too fired up - most bills never make it out of their first committee.
Besides, it's usually not the lone-wolf ideas that cause the most grief, but the laws that they put their collective thought and effort into. Anybody can churn out a merely bad idea on an individual basis; to produce a colossally bad idea takes a committee.
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