Cubicles no longer keep love apart

Employees are more comfortable than ever with office romance, but boundaries still must exist.

By Dalia Wheatt, tbt* staff writer
Published February 13, 2008

Love is in the air - even musty, poorly circulated office air.

According to a 2007 survey by CareerBuilder.com, 40 percent of adults have dated a co-worker.

"It's similar to that boy or girl next door, where work is almost like your neighborhood," says Nancy Wall, 44, a life coach and founder of Tampa Bay MatchMakers in New Tampa. "You get to know somebody in all different situations: the good, the bad, the ugly, when they're stressed or bored."

You already know the downside to dating a colleague: gossip, accusations of favoritism and the possibility of needing a new job if the relationship fails. But office romances can have an upside, Wall says. You and your honey have common interests, share inside jokes and are actually motivated to come to work. Furthermore, dipping one's pen into the company ink is more acceptable than it has been in the past, with 66 percent of those surveyed by CareerBuilder saying they can don't have to keep their office romance a secret.

Still, there are boundaries. Wall offers these tips for advancing your love life while keeping your career intact. For more advice, check out her Hot Trends in Dating workshop tonight at the Tampa Jewish Community Center.

Get happy. If you hate your job, then you'll still be unfulfilled after a tryst with that hottie in IT. "The relationship is not going to satisfy the things that you're lacking," Wall says. Take classes, ask for new responsibilities or consider a career change.

Do your homework. Find out if your company has a policy against office romances. Also get the dirt on your new love interest; just because you go on Starbucks runs with someone doesn't mean you know him. Start out by making dates in public places, just as you would if you'd met online.

Plan for the worst. If the relationship flops, will one of you switch departments? File sexual harassment charges? Leave the company? Six percent of workers in the CareerBuilder survey said an office romance caused them to quit their job. "Talk about how you'll behave if situation doesn't work out, like when friends go into business together," Wall says. Then decide if your career is worth the risk.

Separate business and pleasure. Have lunch together outside of the office, but keep your distance in the workplace. To avoid the assumption of preferential treatment, be especially professional if you're dating a superior or subordinate. Also remember that anything you do with company resources can come back to bite you, so take it easy on the "your hair smells like lavender" voice mails and "love me like you'll never see me again" e-mails.

Hush up. Your co-workers will find out anyway, but flaunting your relationship only feeds the gossip mill. Avoid flower deliveries, mid-afternoon shoulder rubs, excessive Facebook updates and other PDA.

Have you ever dated a co-worker? Why or why not?

"Yes. ... Everything went fine. I ended up getting fired from the job, not relating to her. After I got fired, we lost contact, but I would like to bump into her again. ... I think it's kind of good for matchmaking because when you work with someone, you learn what type of person they really are before you actually start dating them." - Dell Prince, 32, St. Petersburg

"No. It's a bad idea because I can't live with somebody and work with him. You need time to yourself. You need some me time." - Tanya Sutton, 38, Tampa

"No, I haven't. There are so many couples at my job. So many. They seem happy. They don't really go to work together. They go to work in two separate cars because they have different hours. ... It's like at work, they're not together. I've never seen any problems and for the most part it's not my business, so I stay out it." - Josh Crawford, 30, Tampa

"I work in public relations, so it's not something I would ever do. The worst-case scenario would be you have a relationship and then break up. You work on an account together, and it's just completely awful tension, you can't even get your work done." - Kristen Biance, 26, Tampa

"The problem that comes from that is the opinions others form. I think that can hurt morale and motivation with other people, because whether something's innocent - maybe ... if somebody gets a certain assignment over somebody else - it would innately be assumed that it's because they're dating when it may be completely an innocent gesture." - Tony Hayden, 31, Tampa

"Some people can do it. They're able to work together and if something doesn't work out, they're mature enough or have enough experience to separate themselves and go on - decide you're going to go your way and I go my way. They can do that." - Vien Jernigan, 33, Sugar Hill, Ga.

- Compiled by Dalia Wheatt

Hot Trends in Dating

Get more relationship tips from Nancy Wall at this interactive workshop, Wednesday 7:30 at Tampa Jewish Community Center, 13009 Community Campus Drive, Carrollwood. Admission is $5 or free for JCC members. For event details, call the JCC at (813) 264-9000 or Wall at (813) 907-0410. For more on Wall, go to www.tampabaymatchmakers.com

[Last modified February 13, 2008, 11:43:00]