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Letter to the editor

He shared story of caregiver's life with public

As his wife's Alzheimer's worsened, a reporter, a photographer and readers came to know him.

By Stephen Nohlgren, Times Staff Writer
Published February 14, 2008

George Hoffman and Evelyn Ramm met at an Alzheimer's support group when each was a caregiver. They began dating after losing their spouses. Sign Mr. Hoffman's guestbook

ADVERTISEMENT George Hoffman kept his wife out of a nursing home for as long as he could. Special report Alzheimer's series: Alone together

ST. PETERSBURG - George Hoffman, 86, died of emphysema Wednesday, the delayed fallout of his old four-pack-a-day cigarette habit.

Until his recent decline, he was one of St. Petersburg's most engaging retirees. He oozed vitality, with sparkling eyes, hail-fellow laugh and an inquisitive interest in every waitress, barber or checkout clerk who crossed his path.

"When we went to the grocery store, everyone knew George," said Evelyn Ramm. "He was interested in everybody he talked to."

George also could be an unintentional jerk. His sexual remarks - even in mixed company - could put frat boys to shame. He rarely missed the opportunity to instruct others how to conduct their lives. He was never mean, just oblivious to how it might miff others.

I met George seven years ago, when St. Petersburg Times photographer Cherie Diez and I spent a year following an Alzheimer's caregiver support group in Pinellas Park.

George had tended to his wife through thousands of diaper changes, spoon-fed meals and joint showers. When they shopped for groceries, she would trail behind, holding his belt.

Lucille was his high school sweetheart. George, who was born in Ohio and raised in the Panama Canal Zone, swore he would never put her in a nursing home.

But after 10 years, his 79-year-old body rebelled, and he was falling asleep at stoplights. He put Lucille in Bon Secours Maria Manor, where she died four months later.

It was a labor of love that plays out every year in countless other homes. Roughly 40,000 people in this area have Alzheimer's.

George broke the mold by letting a reporter and photographer follow every step, right down to Lucille's last moment, when a teardrop rolled down his nose.

The month after the Times published Alone Together in 2002, new enrollments in bay area support groups doubled.

This was part of George's legacy. He and 12 other group members were private people who shared their stories so caregivers could see how support groups can enrich lonely lives. George, with his big heart and big ego, led the way. The support group "taught him to accept what was not acceptable," his daughter Barbara says.

A year after Lucille died, George took up with Evelyn, a widow from the support group. They spent Thursdays at his house and weekends at her place.

Evelyn is a retired nurse whose nickname at the support group was the Drill Sergeant.

She was a great match for George, who was a Seabee in World War II.

"He liked to be a controlling person. I had to put him in his place," she said Wednesday.

After years of deprivation, both George and Evelyn wanted a physical relationship. George loved to wink, nudge and brag about his sex life.

"She's 83, and you'd think she was 38," he said three years ago. "I feel like I'm 28."

Two years ago, with his health getting shakier, George told Evelyn he was moving with his son, Bill, to South Carolina.

"He was crying. He said, 'I'll be near my family, and they will be near me,'" Evelyn said.

Even in the last few months, when George told friends he was ready to die, he balanced the two women from his life.

He talked by phone to Evelyn almost every day.

"They definitely had a love," said George's daughter Barbara Deal. "That's nothing to take away from my mother's love. They were both blessed."

But more and more, he also talked about Lucille.

"He was really struggling. The emphysema took all his energy," said his son Bill. "He said he wanted to join my mother, and that's what it was about."

Goodbye, George.

BIOGRAPHY

Born: Jan. 22, 1922.

Died: Feb. 13, 2008.

Survivors:daughter, Barbara Richmond, of Richmond, Va.; sons, G. James Hoffman, of Bethesda, Md.; and William Hoffman, of Aiken, S.C.; seven grandchildren; and 13 great-grand children.

Services: Funeral arrangements in Aiken are pending.

[Last modified February 13, 2008, 22:36:27]