How is a superdelegate like a rabbit?

By Gene Weingarten, Washington Post
Published March 2, 2008

WASHINGTON - We are talking today with Minnesota congressman Bernard Finkelstein, one of the highly courted, still uncommitted "superdelegates" to the Democratic National Convention.

Me: In a race this close, you superdelegates must be getting pursued pretty fiercely by both candidates.

Bernard: Actually, you just missed Barack by a few minutes.

Me: Really?

Bernard: He dropped by to clean our gutters.

Me: So, are you leaning toward him?

Bernard: Let's just say I'm impressed. There are things I hadn't known about the man until he told me. For example, I hadn't known that he's a Finkelstein, too. On his mother's side, once removed.

Me: Have you heard from the Clinton camp?

Bernard: Yep. She has been here, too. I like her. She's very good at Twister, much more limber than you'd think. And I'm on her shortlist for secretary of the Treasury. The point is, I haven't made my mind up and am not likely to until I get to know Barack and Esther a lot better.

Me: Esther?

Bernard: That's Hillary's ancestral Hebrew name. All her close friends call her that.

Me: By the way, am I making you up?

Bernard: Of course.

Me: How can the reader be sure that you aren't a real person giving me an audaciously ironic interview?

Bernard: Well, if I were really a congressman, I could not say for publication that I have anonymous sex in public bathrooms and enjoy it immensely.

Me: Good point. Okay, what's likely to tip you toward one candidate or the other?

Bernard: I will choose the person who I come to believe has the best vision for the future of America, the humility to listen to dissenting viewpoints, the humanity to alleviate the plight of the suffering, the integrity to do the right thing and not just the expedient thing, and the wisdom to make the correct choices even when the correct choices aren't clear.

Me:

Bernard: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Bernard: Okay, this is basically about what's in it for me.

Me: Has Obama offered you a position in his administration?

Bernard: No. And it would be improper to directly ask him for one.

Me: Okay.

Bernard: Will he read this interview?

Me: Could be.

Bernard: My grandfather once owned a Nash AMBASSADOR. To FRANCE, I say, "Howdy."

Me: Okay. When do you think you will make your decision?

Bernard: That's a very difficult question to answer. A lot of factors are involved.

Me: Such as?

Bernard: You have to wait long enough for the offers to get really big, but not so long that all the great jobs have been promised. The timing is split-second. It's like trying to pick your tomatoes when they're ripe enough to eat but not so ripe that the rats and rabbits get there first.

Me: Or like knowing precisely when to hit on a really drunk woman.

Bernard: Exactly! You'd be a good politician.

Me: Thank you. Aren't you concerned about which candidate is more electable?

Bernard: Never entered my mind.

Me: But what good is a promise from a candidate who loses in the general election?

Bernard: Boy, you don't get this, do you?

Me: Get what?

Bernard: I'm a Democrat. We believe thinking ahead is unseemly.

Gene Weingarten can be reached at weingarten@washpost.com. Chat with him online at noon Tuesdays at www.washingtonpost.com.

[Last modified February 29, 2008, 17:20:12]