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These plots didn't often thickenBy ERIC DEGGANS © St. Petersburg Times, published May 13, 1998 Then we got the idea to ask readers to make up their own possible finale for the NBC sitcom -- which leaves the airwaves in a two-hour package of broadcasts beginning 8 p.m. Thursday. We gave contestants a storyboard of sorts, scenes from various shows with cartoon bubbles drawn in. After sorting through more than 200 responses, I can offer a definitive conclusion. David hasn't been paid nearly enough. It's not that readers didn't give it their best shot. Entries flooded into the office in the weeks following our initial request for submissions, with hopeful contestants mounting their work on posterboard, writing dialogue on index cards and even e-mailing responses directly to our office. But it turns out writing something on a show about nothing is really hard work. Among the toughest hurdles: sustaining a funny story over the space of six picture panels we provided. Drawn from old Seinfeld episodes, the images proved tough to connect into a cohesive story, and many an entry fell short as contestants nailed a great joke in panel two or three but lost momentum in the remaining spaces. Aside from the sheer number of respondents, perhaps the most distinctive aspect of the finale entries were the subject matter -- most often centered on scatological and sexual themes. Among the most distinctive submissions: Jerry and the gang become porn stars, George beds Elaine, the gang struggles with flatulence problems, and other storylines too, um, explicit to mention. Some entries started with promise -- including the submission in which George installs a drive up window to his parents' house "so I can just wave and never go in." And most of the entries managed a good zinger for Newman. So, to honor those who put together at least one great joke, we have printed the three funniest panels we could find among the 200 or so entries sent to us. The winners will each receive a Seinfeld T-shirt autographed by the guy who inspired the "hipster doofus" character Cosmo Kramer, former stand-up comedian Kenny Kramer. And though you may be disappointed your submission wasn't chosen for greatness, it could have been worse. We could have asked you to script supergeek Steve Urkel's goodbye turn on Family Matters. To reach Eric Deggans, call 893-8521, e-mail deggans@sptimes.com or see the Seinfeld section of the Times Web site at http://www.sptimes.com.
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s a TV critic, I'd always wondered why some writers for television shows were paid so well -- Seinfeld co-creator Larry David, for instance, has earned a reported $100-million for his efforts.
