Have you ever seen that television show that finds out what people fear most and then puts the contestants in situations that force them to conquer their fears? If the contestant succeeds in overcoming the fears they win a certain amount of money. If they are unsuccessful, I guess they win nothing and now they're really embarrassed because they have wimped out in front of millions of people on national television. How embarrassing! This show made me start to think about my greatest fear in the world. Do I ever tell anyone what it is? I know my greatest fear . . . being my own person. Isn't that ultimately everyone's fear? I thought I could have some fun by checking out my suspicion. I was surprised by some of the things people told me.

I never would have guessed that popular people would fear they might lose their popularity and become losers. I learned that some athletes fear losing their ability to be good at a certain sport. They have no clue how they would get attention if they weren't the stars. I learned that some smart people are afraid they'll run into someone smarter, and then they'll have nothing to brag about. I learned that some rich kids are afraid no one will like them because others will be too jealous. Some poor kids are afraid someone will find out how really poor they are and decide they are worth nothing because they have nothing. I learned that some teenage girls are afraid of getting fat; some teenage boys are afraid of being too skinny; and both are afraid too many zits will decrease their popularity. I found out that people into art, drama and music fear not measuring up to the new kid in class. They, like the athletes, brains and the popular kids, know that around every corner could be their worst nightmare . . . their competition.

I am sure that I have left out a group, but after all my research I have gone back to my basic idea: Most people are afraid of letting anyone really know them! I wonder how the television show would put someone up to overcoming this fear. It is a lot easier to say someone is afraid of roaches, snakes, heights, tight places or scuba diving. Maybe all of us have something like that we could work on overcoming and get paid to do so. But how about our biggest fear? Is there a way we can overcome our fear of what others might think of us if they really knew us?

I asked myself what it would take for me to be me myself wherever I am, and I discovered the answer for me. I started looking to see if I knew any real people. I found only a few older people and young children that seemed to fit that category. Maybe old people have figured out how to relax and be themselves. Maybe that's why I feel good most of the time when I am around them. I thought it was just because they spoiled me. They don't usually criticize me or correct me harshly. They usually think I am special and look for the best in me. They try to encourage me and listen to what I have to say. Maybe what the world needs for teenagers to get over their greatest fears are more grandparent-type people who nurture, listen, encourage and speak to them with respect. Little kids seem to be themselves, too. I wonder when I lost that little kid in me that was just free and spontaneous. Little kids seem to look up to teenagers, and that's cool. Maybe teenagers need to be spontaneous and free more often with each other; then we could chill a little more.

Is it possible to overcome the fear that other people won't like us if they really know us? I am not sure, but I do think we could make it easier on ourselves if we were less critical of each other and remembered that we are all ultimately afraid of the same thing: our own shadow.

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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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