I wonder, is school for everyone? I have never felt like I fit in at school, and my grades prove it. I'm not sure if I am an "underachiever" or just not very smart. I don't know if it really matters. What matters to me is that I have never been comfortable with my nose in a book! Is there any future for me without a high school education?

People tease me by saying I'll be flipping hamburgers or bagging groceries all my life. I want to say to them, "What's wrong with that? It's an honest living." I guess they think because the pay is no good that the person doing the job is no good either. Someone has to do it. I bet they like their groceries bagged and their burgers served hot. Without people like me, they'd have to do it themselves. How would they like that?

I don't know the right answer. These thoughts make me feel like I am trying to pass a test, and I don't do well with tests. Is there only one answer? My teachers tell me there are other ways to succeed in life without going to college, but I at least need to finish high school. Why? What is so important that I spend a few more years feeling like a failure in classes that I don't understand and that I keep failing? Why should I humiliate and frustrate myself to the point that I just want to give up and walk away?

When school became a problem for me, my parents and school counselor thought I had a learning disability. I went through all the tests hoping they could find a problem so I could be fixed. No such luck. They said I was an average kid and that I should be able to pass if I made an effort. I tried doing that for a while, but I just didn't see the point. I don't see how history and science are going to help me in the long run.

Maybe I would like to get a vocational education and not a book education. Sometimes I think I do better when I am able to put my hands on a project and actually figure out how things work. Maybe I'd have trouble in that setting, too. I'd like to go and try, but I think it is an all or nothing decision. Every time I try to discuss this with someone, they tell me what a bad idea it is to quit school and they don't help me explore other choices. I tell myself that I need to grow up and face the truth. I feel like a loser if I can't even finish high school, but then I look at myself less critically. I have a job. I go to work every day. I am on time and I do my job well. I work with other teenagers and adults who respect me and see value in what I do. I have gotten promotions and raises, and people like to work with me because I am a team player. I don't mind going to work, but I have to admit I hate going to school.

Some people think the only reason I do well at work is because I get paid. That is not the truth, but people believe what they want to believe. I do well at work because I feel good about what I do and I do it well. I have confidence in myself, and I like it when people ask for my help because they think I am smart with what I do at my job.

Is school for everyone? If I quit, could I ever decide to go back? Have there ever been people who felt good about themselves without a high school education? I just want to feel smart and worthwhile in what I do, and I sure don't feel that way in school. I don't need counseling to build my self-esteem. I need options to help me see how I can succeed maybe without doing it the traditional way.

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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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