|
A sneaky preview of halftime
[Times art: David Williams]
By DAVE SCHEIBER
© St. Petersburg Times, published January 26, 2001
Thousands of laser beams will be swirling Sunday night when the much-hyped halftime show for Super Bowl CXXXV gets underway.
|
 |
Of course, these are the kind of lasers that can actually kill you, or -- at the very least -- correct your vision to 20/20. It's all part of the NFL's new interactive fan experience, enhancing the incredible sense of drama and adventure that accompanies the Big Game.
The Times has obtained the secret halftime script drawn up by this year's sponsor, MindGrab Corp. subsidiary Disney, showcasing its crowd-pleasing, interplanetary theme, It's (Not The Only) Small World After All. Here's a rundown of how the show is likely to unfold:
Dave Scheiber
|
1. ABC has the intergalactic broadcast rights for 2101, so a familiar, rocking refrain will boom through the stadium to start things off. Why, it's Hank Williams VIII, beaming onto the stage, performing a rowdy remake of the Monday Night Football theme song, "All My Mutant Friends Are Coming Over Tonight."
2. As the last note sounds, a squadron from nearby MacDill Air Force Space will thunder overhead in the missing rocketman formation, and youngsters in the crowd of 300,000 will shriek at the sight of the next celebrity act -- the Backstreet Droids!
3. Contrary to the early 21st-century predictions of many music pundits, teen pop not only still rules, it is widely regarded as the most influential musical form of all time.
On cue, the five wholesome heartthrobs will materialize in a massive, holographic formation above the field. They will brace for a steel-cage match to settle, once and for all, the generations-old rivalry with cryogenically unfrozen 'N Sync for teen-pop supremacy.
4. As the fight rages, a glowing platform will emerge from beneath the field for the glitzy halftime number -- "100 years of Britney Spears."
Kept alive and vivacious through the miracle of modern science, Spears will be joined on the field by 100 identical Britneys and sing a medley of her popular oldies from the 2090s -- including "(Clone Me) Baby One More Time" and "Oops . . . They Cloned Me Again."
5. For fans who want something different, the league has spared no expense to make modern halftime shows appeal to many tastes. Spectators, for instance, can log on from their specially equipped stadium seats to join virtual Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders for the latest craze -- on-line dancing.
6. In addition, Matrix-style headgear hookups will be provided -- allowing fans to participate in the hilarity of the bumbling Tampa Bay Bucs winless squad from the year 1976, in honor of the club's 125th anniversary.
Fans will have to shield their eyes from the intense glare of a bright orange sports jacket worn by a heavyset gent -- original Bucs owner Hugh Culverhouse. Then, they can stand in for Culverhouse and participate in a vintage contract negotiation from that era -- actually getting a chance to change Bucs history and re-sign quarterback Doug Williams.
7. The cool headgear comes off and the crowd can now view the strangest of sights. A small version of a football field, covered with a green substance that once grew in fertile areas of the Earth circa 2001, will be rolled out. Robotrons from the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton (China) handle the re-enactment -- holding what looks like a brown oblong spheroid, throwing "spiral passes," and getting dirty and muddy.
Without a doubt, the crowd will laugh hysterically at the slapstick antics of old-fashioned football of the 20th and early 21st centuries.
8. Fans watching at home on their 3-D TV pods will be equally delighted. As with every Super Bowl in history, they'll ignore the brief news and weather update from the local affiliate and then -- feeling thoroughly entertained -- settle in for the exciting second half of Super Bowl CXXXV.
Today's Odyssey
|
