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By BRIDGET HALL GRUMET
© St. Petersburg Times, published February 5, 2001
A certain necktie incident several weeks ago has heightened awareness of the county's dress code, an issue that officials joked about several times during County Attorney Larry Haag's farewell roast last week.
Reading from a list of little-known facts about the guest of honor, Development Services Director Gary Maidhof noted that, "Larry was the first county employee to routinely wear a tie."
From the looks of this photograph taken at the luncheon, however, wearing it well is another story.
TIME FOR ANOTHER CORRECTION: Maidhof, the master of ceremonies for the roast, presented Haag with gag gifts attributed to -- but not actually provided by -- several area businesses.
Florida Rock Industries, whose drawn-out battle with the county made Clark Stillwell a small fortune in attorney's fees, offered Haag a front-row seat at the college graduation of any Stillwell child.
The Citrus Times, which has sued the county over the way it awarded the contract for publishing legal advertisements to another newspaper, was kind enough to send Haag another subpoena.
But the most popular gift came from the Times' factually challenged competitor, which issued a certificate of appreciation to "Leroy Hage for providing information on many important and controversial news items during his 20-year career as county architect."
HEAVY-HANDED HUMOR: Haag's generously sized gut earned its share of jokes at the roast. This one was No. 2 on Maidhof's list of the Top 10 reasons Haag was retiring:
"(Haag's) doctor has identified a rare linkage between his belt size and the county's population. If he doesn't retire before the 2000 Census becomes official, he will never be able to buy off the rack again."
HE ALMOST TOOK HIS DISAPPEARING ACT ON THE ROAD: Haag has been criticized for closing his eyes during County Commission meetings, prompting accusations that he dozes during boring discussions.
Maidhof set the record straight by explaining that Haag loved to play peek-a-boo as a child, and grew up believing that he disappeared whenever he closed his eyes.
"So the next time you see Larry close his eyes during a meeting, don't accuse him of narcoleptic neglect," Maidhof said. "Instead, say in a loud cheerful voice, 'I see you!' "
YOU MEAN IT'S NOT THE HOROSCOPE? Not all of the barbs at Haag's roast went his way. Interim County Administrator Richard Wesch, presenting Haag with a gift wrapped in that day's newspaper, commented, "I finally figured out the best and highest use of the newspaper."
SECRETARY SEEKS RAISE: Haag got in the last word at his roast with a startling account of how the county actually operates.
"Never let Gary Maidhof retire," Haag said. "He's the only one who knows how it all works.
"And never let (county attorney secretary) Cheryl Clamer retire," he added. "She's the real county attorney."